HONORS!!!

Not only did I get accepted into the University of Iowa but I was also accepted into the Honors Program! I'm BEYOND EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quick Updates

Brian was sick on Thursday with the stomach bug. He's feeling good now but it definately wasn't fun.
I'm BEYOND annoyed with the puppy right now. Ben and Ari are still both afraid of him. So Ben lives on the couch and Ari has to be held. Which makes play time impossible. Also the puppy is clearly young so he's constantly chewing on things now and the kids refuse to keep things picked up off the floor. I can obviously only keep up with it all so much because I'm busy as well. So yeah I'm overwhelmed by it all.

My major. It has changed from what it was when I was once in college many years ago. I will be majoring in Speech and Language Pathology, ending with a masters and becoming a speech pathologist. I'm super excited and think it's a perfect match!

We are still trying to get life organized. There is clutter everywhere and we are working towards finding places for everything, but it is very slow going.

Accepted

I got the phone call today telling me that I have been accepted into the University of Iowa. I'm beyond excited! Now I have to get the finances, classes, books, schedules, etc all taken care of! The fun never ends! But nonetheless I'm super excited!

Now what?!?!

Christmas is over. Company has headed home. The kids are in that now what mode of thinking. They have been constantly busy and entertained. For Bri and I, it's a long list of chores that we need to get done. All the decorations and the tree need to come down, we need to catch up on laundry, and do housework. All the toys need to find places to go, heck some of brian's things from his move here still need to find places to go. On top of it all I'm still pretty sore and supposed to be taking it easy. Charlie, (the puppy) is going to be going through Grandpa withdrawal as my dad pretty much held him and played with him the whole time he was here. Ben and Ari are both still afraid of the puppy so if Charlie is out and playing in the house then Ben sits on the couch and Ari has to be held the whole time. So it makes for fun times.
I'm just ready to get organized and get into a normal daily life kind of routine. If that exists anymore.

Merry Christmas!!

(a day late)
We hope that everyone had a great christmas! Things have been busy here and I'm so behind on blogging.
Last thursday afternoon I went into the doc for a small spot on my leg that was bothering me. Turned out I had an absessed cyst and he had to cut into my leg to take it out. I ended up with a double layer of stitches. It is on my upper inner thigh so not in a fun area. The antibiotics gave me a horrible yeast infection, which I ended up having to go on meds for because i could hardly move.

My parents came into town Saturday and we've been super busy. We also had a HUGE blizzard adding another 8 inches of snow to the 6 or more that we already have on the ground. Christmas morning came, presents were opened, toys were played with. Santa brought sleds. So what does that mean. That means sledding. We went to "The Sledding Hill" and WOW! It's the size of a flipping ski run. The kids had a blast, so did Brian. Brian fell over one big jump and landed on his tailbone. The kids took a few spills as well, but no major injuries. I didn't sled as I didn't want to risk getting my stitches wet. So I just climbed up and down and helped. We got home and my leg was hurting but I thought the tape from the bandages was pulling weird. My mom and spend 4 hrs making christmas dinner and dessert. Everything was YUMMMMY!!!! After the kids went to bed I was still sore so told Brian to redo the bandage so the tape was more comfy. He takes the old off and immediately says UHOH. Not a good sign. The bottom stitches had ripped out. I call my doc. Normally he would meet me at the office and fix it himself but instead he's at the ER with a bleeding ulcer. He send us to the ER as well. He calls me back on the cell telling me to come to the same one he's at so he can sneak in and check on me. We do. And he does come into my room and spends about 20 minutes with us. He told them what he wanted done (steri stripped it closed) and I was immediately released. So we were there for 2 hrs which isn't bad cause they were swamped! So by the time we got home I was exhausted.

The kids had wanted to go sledding again today but between my stitches and Brian's tailbone we decided not. So they've spend today playing with toys and learning how to use their Wii. We went bowling in our sun room! It's great and they had lots of fun! They've still got 6 more games to explore so I'm guessing it's going to be a constant in our life over this next week before school starts.
My parents head home tomorrow and Brian goes back to work on the 3rd. I'm thinking we will lay low over this next week and get some much needed housework and resting done!

Company's Coming

We are having company over tonight. It is a woman I met the first time I went out in CR. She's a great person, and has been a great friend over these last few months! So her whole family is coming over this evening for dinner! So I'm cooking for 11! :) I'm excited and think it will be great fun!

Yesterday was my first appointment with my personal trainer. HOLY COW! He kicked my ass! We did 35 straight minutes of arm work. My arms are absolutely exhausted. I go back tomorrow for all leg work. And do this every week, twice a week. I'm sooo praying it works cause WOW!!!

Yesterday was the boys christmas program at school. I will get the videos posted later today! They did great and had alot of fun!

Other than that not much going on. Brian only has today and tomorrow at work and then he's off for almost 2 weeks for Christmas! My parents get here this sunday so that will be nice as well!

Never Ending

Yesterday morning was Brian's first day of work. As he's getting ready, Emily gets sick. So I got everyone up and got the boys to school, with Emily riding along with a trash can. Then this morning Jace gets sick. The good news is Emily was only sick a few times and it was all over by 11am. Jace has only gotten sick once, so who knows. Oh and Brian went out this morning and my rear drivers side tire was completely flat. 3 cans of fix a flat later it's ok for the moment but how long who knows. Oh and my garbage disposal and kitchen sink are broke, which makes dishes impossible. Someone is *hopefully* going to make it out today to fix it. It's been broke since Saturday. :( And our insurance was changed by boeing without telling us and now we have to pay all of our medical bills over the last 3 weeks, and these bills will include ben's genetic testing. YIKES!
It's just one thing after the other around here and i'm beyond tired of it. I'm just ready for life to calm down and go back to normal. Of course I'm not quite sure if I remember what normal is.

71 out of 92

I have been pregnant or nursing 71 out of the last 92 months and it isn't over. the nursing that is...the pregnant part is over! :) And I'm no where near done nursing. Ari still nurses like a newborn showing no signs of stopping. When I actually see the numbers written out like that it's like wow! I can't believe it! 1999 was the last year that I wasn't pregnant or nursing for atleast part of it. WOW. I'm amazed at what a body can take! :)

working out

brian and i joined a local gym. we went the other day and just did cardio. we went today and did a bit of cardio, and then went over to bri's favorite section, the free weights. i don't do free weights. they make me nervous. i'm not comfortable with them. he says he'll teach me. i say that i don't even know if i can bench press the 40 lb bar. he says i can atleast do 60lbs. he puts me on there. i can barely do 1. now my right shoulder and arm are killing me. this is the same shoulder that i've been having tons of trouble with and have been seeing a dc twice a week for. so yep. i'm feeling great, and my attitude isn't to spectacular right now. i know my body and i know my limitations and it frustrates me to no end when people refuse to listen to me.
so anyways that's my day in a nutshell. clearly not my whole day but as my shoulder has shooting pains going through it as i type that is clearly all that i can think about.

Home from Hotel

We are home from the hotel. Luckily we only had to stay one night. The kids did better than expected but still not great. Now we are trying to get reorganized again here at home. Brian starts work on monday already. Time is going fast.
We finished the rest of our Christmas shopping today and I'm so glad to be done! This is the latest I have ever been trying to wrap up shopping.
Well so much for blogging right now. The kids are going nuts and Brian is trying to get dinner done. I sooooo want some quiet time by myself.

Hotel

We are at a hotel. The weather is bad here. We lost power around 9am this morning and finally around 4pm we found a hotel that would let us stay. Our house was to the point we were in sweaters and coats. They are saying power outages from 24 to 48hrs depending on what happens with the storm. It's bad here. We have our cell phones and the hotel has internet so we will be around!

Application Submitted

I did it! I submitted my application to the University of Iowa. I was going to wait and just go to the local community college for the spring semester but I changed my mind. So I've applied and should hear something back in the next few days! YEAH!!! I'm nervous and excited! I'm so ready to get started and get doing something for me!

Been Busy

Things have been busy here. Brian left Wichita Thursday evening after his final. He made it to bethany, Mo and had to pull over. There was freezing drizzle and with it added to the ice and snow that was already here, it wasn't safe to keep driving. He stayed at a hotel and got into Cedar Rapids around 11am Friday.
i met Friday morning with Ben's autism team. They were great! I especially enjoyed his speech pathologist and I think that she will be great with Ben. He will start his full program in January.
We decorated the Christmas tree this weekend and it looks great!!! We also went to a Christmas party yesterday and had a great time! A friend took family pictures for us and they turned out great! You can click the link on the right that says Our Photo Blog and see all of them there.
This morning we are going to go check out a local church and see what we think.
Hope all is well with everyone else!
Hugs and love and missing everyone!

Hi, I'm Heather!!!

I decided to introduce myself. I am known to many of you, as Brian's wife, Emily/Jace/Benjamin/Ariana's Mom, or something like that. Sometimes I feel as though I get lost in the shuffle of everyone else's accomplishments. My family has careers and accomplishments, Brian clearly has made great strides with his schooling and his job. Brian family is doing huge things in their careers and with their schooling. My accomplishments have been dealing with Ben, birthing a child and now providing all of her nutrition, Losing 70 lbs, cleaning house, teaching Jace to dress himself, helping Emily with homework, supporting Brian as he's made the final push towards finishing school. Moving the family to another state to support my husband in his career advancements, cooking, baking, laundry, and learning to knit.
I have applied to school, and in fact received my acceptance letter today. I am also in the process of applying to the University of Iowa, and will be looking to start there in the fall. This coming spring semester I will be taking 1 class at a local college. I'm excited to begin school and working towards my career goals. I feel like sometimes people forget that I have hopes and dreams and goals for myself. Things that I want to do for ME. I want to be my own person. I want to be known for something, for my accomplishments. I want to be something more than just his wife, and their mom. That doesn't mean that I don't LOVE being married to Brian, and that doesn't mean that I don't love being the kids mom, I just want to be Heather sometimes too.
I guess in all of this all that I'm asking is please don't lose me in the shuffle. I'm not asking for the "lime light" to be lessened from everyone elses accomplishments, but please remember me too.

constant change

well things have again changed, this time for the better, assuming plans don't change again. Brian's boss has worked things out so he can be on unpaid leave the last week, and not actually have to be at work. so Brian will take his final on Thursday and then drive up here. He'll get in around 2am Friday morning! Ben's appt with this autism team is friday at 8:30. So Brian will be here! So we will have 10 days here with us before he starts work at Rockwell. It'll be so nice to have him here and have time to get situated. So we only have 6 days counting today! I'm excited about that, but slightly guarded with as much as plans have changed lately.
also our house is supposed to close monday afternoon! Same thing, hopeful but guarded.
Our christmas tree got delivered yesterday! I never realized that 10ft 4inches was so tall! once we get it decorated I will post pics! i'm very excited to see it all done!
We are supposed to get big storms this weekend. 1/2 to 3/4 inches of ice and 3 inches of snow with up to 50 mph winds. They are warning against long power outages and such. I'm hoping not because if there are we will have to go locate a hotel!
Anyways that's all going on here. We are going to do some housework, christmas decorating, and christmas movie watching this weekend!

depressed

brian isn't going to be able to come out here early after all. He has to work till the 14th or else they won't pay for his last semester at school. We had made all these holiday plans and now they are all gone. I now have to figure it out and do the best I can to make this holiday time as fun as possible for the kids, by myself.
I bought a tree yesterday and had to pay them extra to deliver it, put it in the stand, and bring it in the house. Even then I have to rearrainge the living room and decorate it by myself. Which should be interesting because it's a 10 ft tree! :)
Other than that life is going...Slowly. I've got alot of things to get done between now and Christmas.
Next week all the therapists will be coming out to meet with Benjamin and I and we will begin to set up his care plan. I'm excited to meet with them and get this all going.
anyways gotta get ready to get out the door for school. then home for laundry and cleaning.

Home

We are home. We made the trip in 7 1/2 hrs!!! I was flying! We only stopped when absolutely necessary and for as short amount of time as possible. The kids are beyond hyper this evening and a bit grumpy, but atleast we made it home fairly quickly. We forgot to throw out one of our pumpkins before leaving, and lets just say i'll never forget that again. It was the nastiest thing I've ever had to clean up. It dripped down the table and all over the floor. Not fun at all. The sun room smells like yucky pumpkin. Once the kids go to bed I will be lighting a strong smelling candle for awhile! :)
Tomorrow will be nice! Emily and Jace both have school and Ben has his all day daycare! I'm going to stay home and unpack, do laundry, organize, and clean, and get all the fall decorations down so we can get all the Christmas decorations up! I'm hoping to get alot done tomorrow!
Brian gave his 2 wk notice today. He was really nervous but it went well! Everyone was excited for him! I think this will make the end for him so much easier! He now has 92 hrs left to work and he has to do it all in 10 days! :) He'll be busy! We are all so excited that the end is almost here FINALLY!
anyways the kids are out of control and fighting and Ari is fussy. They need to atleast make it until 7:30 before heading to bed!

The Last Journey

The kids and I will be headed back to Iowa this morning. This is our last trip by ourselves. Brian will be joining us on December 7th. I can't wait. But I'm also beyond exhausted and completely done with all of this. I will get back to blogging once we are home, and update on the trip!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have been thinking about everything that I'm thankful about. Sometimes the list of things to be thankful for seems so short to me lately. Everytime I think something is going to finally work out well, something happens to cloud the way. I feel as though we are being put through test after test.
BUT I am thankful for many things.
The health of my family. No matter if we do have to constantly watch Jace and his diet, he is gaining and healthy. Even though Ben is autistic, he is still a beautiful healthy child! Emily and Ari are healthy and happy and thriving!
I'm thankful that our house is supposed to close in the next 2 wks! That makes me beyond excited!!!
I'm thankful that Bri gives his 2 weeks notice soon and graduation is almost here! Meaning Bri will be joining us in Iowa soon.
I'm thankful that we are ONE COMPLETE family now! That makes me so excited, that I can't even find words for it!
I'm thankful that I'm now at 69lbs lost!!! I have 34 more lbs to my goal!!!
I'm thankful for all of my friends! Without them I can't imagine how I would have made it through these last few months!
I'm thankful that last night my date night with Bri ended in a great visit relazing around the living room with great friends! :)

Today will be a great day! Family and food!!!! Couldn't be better! I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving!!!

HUGS and LOVE to all of our family and friends!

Quick Check In

We are in Wichita, obviously, and have been here since last Wednesday. We don't leave until next Monday, 1 week from today. It's been nice to see everyone! Yesterady I had 6 whole hours without the kids! I went to a friends house and we made baklava and chatted. It was great!
Brian and I have spent some time just the 2 of us and that has been great as well. I also am realizing this trip how much relationships have changed being apart these last 2 months. Makes you realize who your true friendships are!

I chatted with the main worker for Ben this morning. She is going to get an appt scheduled for us as soon as we get home to get things rolling! I'm ready to get started!

Anyways that's really all for now. Everyone is good! More later!

Introducing..........

Emily Anne MOORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The adoption was finalized this morning at 11am! We are beyond excited! The judge was great! He chatted with her, gave her high 5's and told her to remind us that she now has 2 birthdays! She was pretty excited about that!
She's been floating around on cloud 9 ever since we left the courthouse!


We are in wichita and we will be here until the monday after thanksgiving!
hugs to all!

U of I

Today was Ben's appt at the University of Iowa. My friend who was supposed to watch Ari emailed at 10 something last night saying her child was sick and that she couldn't watch Ari. I ended up taking Ben and Ari for the day. We got there at 8:30 and didn't leave till almost 3. They had no naps and it made for a VERY long day. Ben saw many people today and they want him to come back for another full day to finish testing. They agree that he is 100% autistic but also wonder if something else is going on as well. Hence the other day of testing. They gave me all the referrals he needs for now to get him into speech therapy. Hopefully that will really help with the communication, memorization and echoing. They want him to work with the PECS program. So our life will become pictures. I'm ok with that as long as it helps Ben. We are also going to be looking into getting him a switch to help with his echoing and his need for repetition. So that's the basics. Clearly there was tons more info but I'm to tired to type it all out right now.

I'm pretty tired this evening. I only slept around 5 hrs last night, and it's clearly been a long day. I'm picturing an early bedtime. Tomorrow Ben will be gone all day at the babysitters. So it will be Ari and I. I'm hoping to get a few errands done and alot of laundry. So then Wednesday all I need to do is get our stuff packed and get the car loaded. Then we can get on the road first thing thursday morning.

I'm excited about this trip to Wichita. Alot is going on. It will also be my last trip in potentially for quite a while. That's weird to think about!

Ben's Newest Soaker

I'm very pleased with how this one turned out! I went one size smaller, so it would be a bit more fitted in the rise and thighs! I also went with a more expensive wool and I absolutely love the way it turned out. It's really hard to capture the color in the picture but you sorta get the idea!



Now my next project is going to be a pair of longies for Ariana. It will be my first time using the longies pattern!

Long Day

the kids have been not so great today. They get so bored on the weekends. We didn't get a whole lot today. A bit of housework and some relaxing. Ari's allergies are really bugging her, so shes not been so happy.
It looks like we are going to be coming into Wichita on Thursday instead of Saturday. Emily has decided that she wants to go to court for the adoption finalization. So we've decided that we shouldn't deny her that and that if that is the closure that she needs then it's worth missing 2 days of school for. So we will leave here thursday morning and will get in around dinner time. then court is friday morning! I can't believe we are just days away! :)
Anyways I think tonight will be an early bedtime. the kids didn't nap long and are absolutely out of control right now. Heck I could go to bed right now! :)

Open House

the boys had open house at school last night. We did art projects, played, chatted with teachers, and had cookies and milk! They had alot of fun showing us around their rooms and meeting their friends.
Today was a long day. Ben was in one of those moods and nothing went well. It was a constant melt down for him. I love him but he tries my patience so much, and I feel at a complete loss and like a complete failure with him sometimes. I just don't know what to do to help him. He has his all day assessment and appointment at the university of Iowa on Monday so I'm hoping to get some answers there.
I'm halfway through Ben's 2nd soaker. This one is made from 100 % kettle dyed wool from uraguay. it's in beautiful rich green colors. I'm really liking how the colors are looking so far! After this I'll make Ben one more soaker, and then I'm going to work on a pair of longies for Ariana. I'd also like to make some Christmas stockings! I definately like the knitting and find it super relaxing. I didn't know if I'd enjoy it but I really am! :)
anyways the kids are in bed and I'm off to watch some tv and knit before I head to bed as well!

Soaker Completed!

I finished my very first diaper soaker. I've been knitting it since Friday and finished it this afternoon! It's not perfect but for my first knitting project I think I did pretty darn good! I'll try to include a pic of it with this post!




Other than that this morning Ari and I ran errands while all the kids were at school. We got alot done. When we woke up this morning it wsa 19 degrees. That's absolutely horrible! Winter coats are required!
It also gets dark super early around here which makes for strange nights. We were finishing up our errands when it got dark this evening. Quite depressing and makes me so sleepy.
In good news we have a contract on our house. We close on November 30th. We are hoping all goes well and that the closing definately happens! We are very excited though to be almost done. I was starting to wonder if we were ever going to sell!
I'm baking 4 dozen cookies this evening! Tomorrow is open house at the boys school and I'm signed up to bring 2 dozen for each boy! Jace is very excited!
In other news Ari gained weight! She weighed 14lbs 3.2oz! YEAH!!!! I'm so darned excited that she's gaining WITHOUT formula or pumping or any of those things!
That's all! :)
counting down the days till we see everybody! Much love!

Short days LONG nights

Wow the days are super short here. It gets dark at 4:45pm. WOW! It makes me very sleepy and makes the kids sleepy too. Then it makes for really long evenings where the kids are fussy and bored and feeling tired. Last night I fell asleep on the couch at like 8:15. Ariana woke up this morning though at 4am. Talk about horrible. Sleep schedules are all screwed up right now. The wind has been horrible, putting our temperature around 21 degrees with windchill. Makes for some unpleasant times to be outside.
Emily is doing well. She had piano lessons again yesterday. She loves playing but hates practicing. She gets frustrated easily, that she doesn't always get the song immediately. She does do well though keeping up with her practice with minimal reminders. Her adoption will be finalized in 10 days and she is so excited! She is already signing her name as Moore, and loves when mail comes addressed that way. She tells everyone she's ready to be done and have her family complete when "dad hurries up and finishes in wichita". :)
Jace is doing pretty good. He's enjoying school. He's starting to make some friends, and is really starting to get everyone's names down. He is wanting to take drum lessons! We said lets wait on that! :) His school is having an open house on Thursday evening and he's so excited because his class is doing something special!
Benjamin is doing pretty good. He has his good days and his bad days, and you never know which one you will get. He had a big meltdown yesterday at a playgroup and one of the other moms jumped in and calmed him down, giving me a much needed break. He's doing well in school, and starting to talk to them more, especially during outside playtime!
Ariana is doing good! She's getting so big! She finally has her first tooth and the other one is right under the gum. She's still not crawling but scoots super fast all over the house. She gained 5 oz and I'm very happy about that. She's starting to eat soft foods and loves that! She's been a bit mommy clingy, so I'm hoping that means growth spurt! :)
I saw the chiro today and we talked about my right arm going completely numb. It's to the point that it wakes me up at night. She did xrays and my neck has 2 vertebras (sp?) out of place slightly and there is no curve in my neck. She said it's definately from the car accident, which is what I was figuring. She did an adjustment and showed me an exercise to help out. I'm not sleeping so well. I'm getting really tired. Being here by myself with the kids has been alot harder than I expected.
We went to a knitting playgroup this last Monday and it was great. I felt very welcome and at home. We've been invited to their friday playgroup as well! I'm working on Ben's soaker and am hoping to be done with it in the next day or two! I'm very excited to have almost completely my first knitting project! i can't wait to see it on him! :)
Well Little Lady is looking at me with big eyes fussing and scooting my way. So I'm off! It's almost dark and I'm going to need to get dinner going soon.
I'll be in Wichita Saturday the 17th through Monday the 26th for anyone who is wanting to know! :)
See you all soon! (well some of you anyways!)
Hugs and loves and missing you all!

sundays communication

i woke up. i fed baby. i checked emails. i talked on phone to brian. i fed kids. i take shower. i get dressed. i change diapers. i feed kids. i nurse baby. i play with kids. i feed lunch. nap time. up. more diapers. more food. more play. bed time. i watch tv. i go to bed. repeat tomorrow but add in school drop off and pick ups. my life. communication complete. i basically don't need to ever say anything else. i do the same things no matter what day it is. weekends same. weekdays add school. only difference. and since this is all that is involved in communication i'm done communicating for life.

Revisiting Communication

Well I've thought about this more during the day. Then events made me think about the opposite. I think that communication is vital. I think it's the lifeblood of each and every relationship. I think it makes it or breaks it. I think it there isn't freeflowing communication from all sides, then a breakdown occurs, that can't be easily fixed, especially by only one party. I've been a good and bad communicator. I have no problem talking. I say what I'm thinking and feeling, and am fairly open to talking with a wide variety of people. Sometimes I don't always think before I speak, and sometimes I don't "sugar coat" as much as I probably need to. I can be straight forward, sometimes to the point of crossing the invisible line, between honesty and cruelty. But I am always honest, always straightforward, and never afraid to talk. I'm a great listener, come up with creative solutions many times, and I'm not afraid to say that I have no clue. I always hope and assume that people are like me, not afraid to be honest and have a conversation. Not afraid to share their opinions even if it differs from other. Then I find out that people aren't. It's heartbreaking for me. I don't know how to deal with people and situations like that. I'm the type who will sit up for 3 days and talk it through to resolution if that's what it takes. I'm the type who will do whatever it takes to talk it out. I'm the type who likes to talk, for the fun, to get to know little tidbits about people that you won't find out without deep talking!
Some may think that I'm just rambling, but some know exactly what I'm talking about. I need communication. I need it on a deep emotional connecting level.
What does everyone else think? Am I way off? Can you relate?

communication

"The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior.
Interpersonal rapport.
The art and technique of using words effectively to impart information or ideas. "

quite the interesting word. Sounds easy enough huh? It's not. Atleast not around here lately.

More to come on this topic later today, after some thinking.

Busy and Lazy

This morning started out super lazy. I had a horrible headache and sinus pressure and had no interest in getting out of bed. The kids were finally sent to the basement to watch TV and play. I got out of bed around 8 and got my shower and had until 9:15 before they started hollering for food! We then took our time eating breakfast. Jace tried out his new gluten free cereal and really liked it! We took showers and did our bank runs. We had the DAN doc at noon, then came home for lunch and naps. We went over to a friends house after nap, and she taught me how to start reading a pattern to knit. I'm working on a wool soaker for Ben. I had a great time chatting and working. The kids all played and had fun as well. We grabbed Wendy's for dinner. The kids were like always hollering their orders to me as I ordered. I pulled up to the 1st window to pay and the guy said that he felt sorry for me. Then he proceeds to tell me that I should shoot all of my children with a tranquilizer gun. Then he ends it by telling me to have a good evening, well hopefully if my kids will all shut up. I was shocked. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe he was telling me that, and thought it was honestly quite rude. WOW. We came home, ate dinner. Ben punched Jace in the face, not once but twice. Ben got his first time out. Ari started choking and gagging. I couldn't figure out what the heck. I kept swishing my finger around in her mouth and she stopped but I couldn't figure out what was in there. I thought she swallowed it. As I was putting her to bed, she was laughing and I thought I saw something in her mouth. She had an entire leaf smashed flat stuck on the roof of her mouth. I fished it out. Scares the crap out of me. If I had put her to bed with that it could have easily gotten caught in the back of her throat. Gotta love this stage of babyness!
So none the less the kids are in bed, and I have some quiet time. TV then bed for me. I'm tired too!

Not so fun day

today hasn't been so fun. this morning i woke up at 4am. finally got up and got my shower. bri and i had a bit of a disagreement this morning starting the day off not so beautifully. got emily and jace to school and headed home for a playdate. picked up, got snack ready etc. and waited and waited and waited. after 45 minutes of waiting i finally went and tried to get my errands done. i of course didn't have enough time to finish them. got jace from school. home for lunch and naps. a friend was supposed to come over between 3 and 5. i waited. went to get emily from school and came home and waited. i finally emailed her. she forgot and her son was having a bad day. she rescheduled for tomorrow. so i ran to the store. the kids totally freaked out there. horrible. came home. ate dinner late. now the older 3 are downstairs and Ari is up here with me. I'm just exhausted. I'm missing my friends and family. i'm missing being in a familiar environment with real people. i'm missing adults, and adult interactions. Jace is constantly bouncing of the walls and getting into trouble, communication and freak outs with Ben are exhausting and there is no talking him through it, etc. I'm just stretched so thin and I'm so tired. I'm still not sleeping well at night at all. I wake up 2-3 times and not just for a minute or two, sometimes for hours. The only time I sleep well is the few nights that I'm with Brian. To top off my whole day I think I'm getting a sinus infection which probably makes it all seem even worse, because I feel like absolute crap.
I just didn't realize some of the challenges that we would face during this time. It's things that I hadn't expected, hadn't planned for. Things that I have no clue how to deal with. I also never realized I'd be so exhausted, and that I'd feel so alone.

alcohol

I've been thinking alot about alcohol lately. It's an interesting substance, to say the least. It transforms. It changes. I find it to be worse than many drugs. (not to say that drugs are good obviously.) But for some reason to some alcohol seems so innocent, so safe. I've never been one for alcohol really. I think most of it tastes horrible. I like the girly fruity drinks, and even them I'm lucky to finish one in an evening. Sure we have alcohol in the house sometimes. A few beers etc. It sits here for months on end.
I was reading online on one of my boards that I'm on a discussion on alcohol. The effects on the drinker, the family, the community as a whole. Some of the thoughts and opinions were really interesting. I found this and thought it was interesting so just had to share.

"Alcoholism is a family disease. The disease affects all those who have a relationship with a problem drinker. Those of us closest to the alcoholic suffer the most, and those who care the most can easily get caught up in the behavior of another person. We react to the alcoholic's behavior. We focus on them, what they do, where they are, how much they drink. We try to control their drinking for them. We take on the blame, guilt, and shame that really belong to the drinker. We can become as addicted to the alcoholic, as the alcoholic is to alcohol. We, too, can become ill."

The part I find most interesting is that the disease itself can become as addictive to the people around it as the alcohol for the alcoholic. Wow that's powerful. I would have never thought about it that way. That's scary, if you ask me. I'm not sure exactly where I'm trying to go with this, I just found this all interesting so thought I'd throw it out there and see what others think. Powerful stuff really!

36 and 10 equals 46

I will not see brian 36 days, but will see him 10 days out of the next 46. That leads us to the end of this transition. Then he'll be here with us, permanently. Bri headed home today. He didn't leave here until 4:30. he had no interest in leaving. Emily said that he needed to get back to Wichita and finish there so he could come back here and live with us as a family forever. It was so cute, and sweet. It was nice having him here. This was his longest trip here, and his first trip on "normal days" where we were taking kids to school, shopping, cooking, etc. It was nice to get a glimpse back into normal family life. I will see him next when the kids and I go back to Wichita for Thanksgiving. Emily's adoption will be finalized on November 16th and we'll get into town on November 17th! Some celebration will definately be in order! She's very excited! We'll be in Wichita for a week. Then Brian will come back here the first weekend of December, so we can get a tree and decorate for Christmas together as a family!

Things went pretty well this weekend all in all. I'm pleased with that. The kids and I need to again settle back into our routine. I think that's been the hardest part for them. As soon as we start to get situated with a routine something happens and we have to start all over again! They've done well considering everything that has been going on around here.

Emily had her 2nd piano lesson today. She really enjoys it. The teacher said she is doing well and she has new songs to practice this next week. Her goal is to get a minimum of 1 yr of piano and then she wants to begin learning the violin. She's not sure if at that point she will do both, or just switch to the violin. We shall see. Music is definately something that she enjoys and it really comes naturally for her.

Ben did great at school today! Talking even more. They had playtime outside and the teacher said he was talking quite a bit out there. It's like night and day with him at school!

Jace is also doing well in school. He really enjoys being in school and around other kids. He loves the activities.

Ariana is doing well. She is cutting her first tooth, FINALLY! In fact it now looks like she is working on cutting both of the bottom 2. She's scooting all over the house and is into everything!

I'm doing pretty good. I've lost another 4 lbs. I'm past the point of all of my pre-preg clothing and loving that fact! tomorrow is Bri and I's anniversary and we did our gift exchange this weekend. I got him an 8MB Ipod so he could have all of his music with him wherever he goes! He got me the large digital photo frame! Right now I have 50 something pics slideshowing through it! I love it! I've been wanting one for a long time! It was so much fun to go through all of my pics and pic out all the cute candid photos of my family and put them into the slideshow!

Tomorrow my local moms group is having a halloween party here at my house. I'm excited to get to meet some more of the moms and have a great time!

Well Ben just hit Ari in the head with a plane, and now she's less than thrilled. Off to cuddle with her! :)

Weekend already ending

this weekend has gone super fast. My parents headed home this morning. We went out to breakfast with them, and then Brian and I took the kids out to a big mall out here and hung out and played for a bit. Then home for naps, and Brian and I laid around on the couch and watched TV together. A quiet semi-lazy day. Now tomorrow we are already back to running around and school and such. The nice part is Brian doesn't leave until tomorrow afternoon, but still i'm not ready for him to go. We won't see him again until thanksgiving. So this will be our longest stretch without seeing each other. Hopefully time will go fast. When he's here time flies, when we are apart time drags. Go figure. It has been nice having him here for a few and getting some extra sleep. I've been sleeping better at night, and it's been nice to have someone to share parenting responsibilities with. Makes me not so tired!
The kids are good. Ariana is getting her first tooth. She's chewing on everything, but it doesn't really seem to be bothering her.
that's about all really. back to the real world again tomorrow. go figure. :)

Happy 7th Birthday!!!

Today was Emily's birthday! I can't believe she is already 7. WOW. Time flies. We had a good day with family. I made her cake and it turned out nice! She got what she wanted and was very happy about that! My parents head home tomorrow, but Brian doesn't go home until Monday! YEAH! I will update more of the weekend later!

Let the fun begin

bri got i at 8:30 last night. My parents are in KC and will be headed this way soon. We are getting ready to take the kids to school. I'm going to get Emily's cake made this morning. I'm making a castle! I'll post pics!

Brian is in Iowa!!!

Bri is in the state, he's still about 2 hrs away but close! :) My parents are headed to KC and then will stay there for the night and then come the rest of the way in the morning.
I've had a productive day today. I got Emily's presents wrapped and Brian's anniversary present, I got all of the laundry done, got the house cleaned, baked some orange glazed pumpkin cookies, and all that good stuff. So yep i feel like i've gotten alot done.
Jace cleaned the basement today. I was very impressed! He cleaned up the whole toy room by himself without asking for help! That's pretty unusual for him!
Ariana has big news. She has a tooth almost. you can finally see a tooth sitting right under a big puffy gum. So I'm guessing any day now she'll FINALLY have her first tooth!
Tomorrow will be nice having Brian here! He'll get to go take the kids to and from school, and he is also going to get to meet our DAN! Doc. So I'm very happy about that. I know that he has alot of questions so I think it will be good for him to actually sit down and chat with her and hear what she has to say.
The kids are bouncing off the walls tonight, especially Jace. They all know that it's a big weekend, and the waiting isn't doing so well for them. And Bri will get in after bedtime so they won't see him until morning.

Family coming soon

Brian gets here tomorrow and my parents get here Friday. The kids are very excited that everyone is coming here! Emily is obviously exited about it being her birthday but I think she's even more excited to simply get to show them around!
Both kids earned their first stickers tonight. We are trying out a sticker rewards chart. I'm at the end of my sanity with them so I figured it was worth a try.
Ben had a meltdown this afternoon. He wanted fruit snacks but refused to say please. I stood firm and finally after 1 hr and 20 minutes he said please. I immediately gave him the fruit snacks. The rest of the evening he immediately said please anytime he wanted something. Also he talked to his teachers today! YAH!!!! As soon as I walked in his room his teacher ran over and told me about it. He said "puppy", "I want turn" and "I want fish". I'm so excited! This is his first time to say a single word to his teachers. They said that again today he was interacting more with the activities and making eye contact and responding to them! I'm beyond excited to think that the supplements are helping so much and so fast. He was starting to get constipated gain, got an adjustment and as soon as she stood him up from the table he pooped. He's been pooping every since! I wish I would have done all of this sooner! But i'm glad we are doing it now and I'm so happy to be seeing so many good improvements. We've cut back Ben's dairy, and haven't done anything with removing gluten for him.
Jace had his first adjustment this week. He's also on the supplements, and I've completely cut out dairy with him, and we are looking at alternatives for removing gluten. We'll probably cut it in the morning, and try to replace a snack with something gluten free but not completely remove it right now!
So anyways now that I'm rambling away...I'm going to go watch a bit of TV and head to bed. I'm tired!
hugs and loves and missing everyone!
Special kisses to little thumper!

Holy Freaking Cow

What an evening. I was in the middle of cooking dinner. Jace is cleaning, Emily is practicing piano, and Ben and Ari are playing in the sunroom. All of a sudden I hear a thud and Ben screaming. I go running in there and he's between the couch and the coffee table on the floor. He busted his lip open and it was bleeding and then his nose started bleeding a bit. At this point Emily and Jace start running everywhere. Emily brings me 1 large DUCKY bath towel and a BRIGHT ORANGE handtowel dripping cold water all over the kitchen floor ( i asked for 1 small WHITE washcloth) and Jace just runs through the house screaming EMERGENCY EMERGENCY. Then not even 1 1/2 minutes later Jace comes running into the kitchen holding Ari and drops her on the tile floor. He claims she was eating a box. So clearly Ari is now screaming her ass off. Emily is screaming Jace dropped her, Jace dropped her. Jace is screaming Ari ate a box Ari ate a box, Ben and Ari are just screaming, and my eggs are burning onto my new skillet on the stove. Yep that was our evening. Great huh? I love them. I love them all the time. I really really do. Honest. :)

4 yr old possibly for sale

I love him. I really really love him. BUT he's driving me bonkers. He and I are going round and round so many times a day, I'm so dizzy by the end of the day I can hardly think straight. He's really been power struggling and testing his boundaries lately. I'm at the end of my sanity, and out of ideas on how to deal with it. There has got to be something that I'm missing but I just don't know what it is yet.

Ben did well at school today. It was his first day back since starting his supplements. They commented to me that they noticed a change in him! I was so happy about that!

Emily had a half day of school today. Then this afternoon was her first piano lesson. She enjoyed it. She has to practice for 10 minutes a day! I'm curious to see how she will do keeping up with that.

Ari and I did some experimenting today with her feedings. I weighed her before and after and she's getting more than enough milk. I'm going to up my calories a bit and see if that helps. Also I bought her some yogurt, tofu, avocados, and spinach. We'll see how that does as well!

That's about all in the world of me. Tomorrow morning we have a playdate. Then the boys have an appt with our DAN! Doc. Then I'm hoping to get some laundry done during nap time! Gotta love it!

Hugs and missing everyone....

AND....last but definately not least!!!
CONGRATS and welcome to the world Thumper!!!!!! (pics, need lots of pics!!!!!!!)

Definately NOT a lazy day

Today was definately not a lazy day. We went household shopping and grocery shopping, went to a local farm and bought pumpkins. Then we handmade all of Emily's bday card invites, made halloween cookies, decorated pumpkins, we made a rules chart, and 2 sticker rewards charts, and cleaned out the closets and changed all the clothes over from summer to winter. Oh and cleaned the kitchen and cooked dinnner! :) I'm feeling like we accomplished quite a bit today!

My good friend is in labor. She called earlier saying she thought her water might be leaking. Then called back saying her water broke. I'm so excited for her but sad that I'm not there to be with her right now! :( I know I'll get pictures soon and will be running to go see her as soon as I get in town for Thanksgiving!

I ate green beans tonight. For any of you who know me you know that is huge. The kids saw fresh cut green beans at the store today and wanted them. I bought them and made some with dinner. I forced myself to eat them because I knew they would be good for me. Definately not yummy but not quite as bad as the canned crap! :)

I'm very excited! My hubby and parents are coming here for the weekend. Emily's bday is Saturday and they are going to come and help celebrate! I bought all the food for that today, so that is nice! We will be busy! The kids are excited to get to show everyone their house, and schools, and all that!

Bedtime is slowly making it's way here. I'm sooo ready! The days are busy and it gets dark early and I get so sleepy!

Lazy Day

today has been quite the lazy day. I didn't get my shower and out of my pjs until almsot 4pm. We laid around, watched tv, played on the computer, had a quiet breakfast and lunch. I did do some dishes this morning but that's about it. I've thought about going out and doing something but just not motivated to go do anything.

when i got ben up from nap he was in his room naked, and you could clearly smell poop. he apparently pooped, took his pullup off, dumped the contents on the floor and put his pullup back in his dresser with his other pullups. i mean what the heck. talk about recycling. so yah i'm not sure what i'm going to do that get that habit quickly stopped.

in other news...well nothing actually. there really is no other news. :)

Been Busy

My hubby informed me that I haven't blogged in days. We've been busy trying to get situated again being home. The kids are back at school and very happy about that! Benjamin wanted to go but he won't go back until Monday. Ben, Ari and I have been grocery shopping and fall decoration shopping. We bought a few decorations today at hobby lobby and decorated the house up for fall time. It looks and smells yummmmmy in here! This evening I'm baking some loaves of pumpkin chocolate chip bread! Can't wait to sample them!
The weather had been super cold here! I kept turning the heat up and couldn't figure out why it never warmed up. Finally we called the landlord. he came over today and the darned pilot light on the furnace hadn't been lit. Go figure. So basically it was blowing cold air out into the house, subsequently making it colder. So now it's feeling much better in here and it will be nice tonight to not have to try to keep 12 covers on top of me and the kids! :)
I'm missing Brian, but it's not like it was at first. We are making sure to see each other often and that really helps. Also the kids and I have simply been so busy that it helps.
Benjamin is doing well on his new supplements. His appetite is doing pretty good. He hasn't eaten as well today, but I keep reminding myself that he will have his off days. He has pooped twice in 2 days which for him is amazing!!! His attitude is even changing a bit. He's been little Mr troublemaker. Not good that he's getting into trouble, but good that he's experimenting and exploring and such
We are preparing for Emily's bday next week. She's going to have a castle cake. She's very excited! She is also going to start piano lessons next Monday. She will go once a week. She wants to learn violin. I called a teacher and she says they start with piano for one year and then can begin learning violin. Emily is excited! I have no doubt that she will love it, as music has always been a passion of hers!
Well Little Ariana is getting fussy. I'm thinking she's getting tired. Morning naps have been few and far between! :)
missing everyone! hugs and love!

home

we are home. made it in 8 hrs. never seen so much rain. tired. more later. love and miss all. :)

Trip Extended

We are staying an extra day, going home tomorrow now. After yesterday I'm exhausted and there are a few things that I needed to get done today. So we will be going home tomorrow now. I'm ready to get home! I need to get the kids back to school! :)

WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE WON WE WON WE WON
That is really all I can say at this point. We won. We are beyond excited. Almost 6 yrs and we won! We are going out tonight and celebrating! Emily is soooo excited!!!
I will update all the details later but wanted to just let everyone know that we won!!!!!

Busy

Things have been busy. We've been getting appointments and shopping done, we've been visiting with family and friends, we've been spending time together. Friday night Brian and I took the older 2 to a haunted house and skating. They freaked out at the haunted house, and struggled skating but all in all we had a nice time. Saturday night Brian and I went out to Crown Uptown. It was a dinner theater. The food was good, and the musical was funny! It was nice to be out just the 2 of us. I promise to have a long indepth update tomorrow night!

Information Overload

I have spent 6 hrs today reading and researching. I've read 250 pages in books, researched about 30 internet sites, and picked apart symptoms and treatments on Asperger's and Autism. I'm more confused than when I started I think. It's so much information, and so conflicting. Some say shots cause it, some say mercury, some say who knows, ssome say change diets, try supplements, intensive therapy, hope it will go away, accept it, which therapy to try, etc. I think it is a very unique diagnosis in the fact that nobody knows exactly what causes it, or how to work with it. it has no cure, no fix. One of the books i read had an interesting statement. It said something to the affect that if a family has a child diagnoses with cancer people come pouring in with meals, support, and help; but then a child is diagnosed with autism and people avoid you in the grocery store. I don't get why that is. I pray that people don't look at him differently, don't treat him any differently. I pray that I have the wisdom and the strength to figure out how to best help him, without neglecting my other parenting and wifely (is that actually a word) responsibilities.

home from Ben's appt

It went well. She asked me hundreds of questions and watched Ben play. She agrees with the diagnosis of autism. She is concerned with his eating issues, and said that alot of austic children have digestive issues. She said she wanted to get him into a program as quickly as possible. I was home for not even 30 minutes and she called and said she had found a program at the University of Iowa Medical Center, and had already spoken with them and they said they would accept him into their program. This is only about 20 minutes away from our house, so that is definately a relief! They are going to try to get him in quickly to get the eating issues dealt with fairly fast. He's lost about 5lbs this last month. Poor guy. She reccomended some books for me to read, so I will be going to B and N later today for books! All the info I can get right now!

I went out to lunch with a good friend. It was the 2 of us and 6 kids under the age of 7. It was a mess but nice. It was also nice because Ben decided to eat. He had 2 sausage patties and a few bites of a mickey mouse pancake! :) YEAH BEN!!!

Thank you for all the encouraging emails we are receiving from everyone! It means alot to know that everyone is first of all in general keeping up with us on our blog, and secondly that everyone is thinking about us and praying for us right now! Thanks so much! HUGS to everyone!

Wichita

We are in Wichita. The trip was horrible. I got an intenses migraine on the way up and literally had to pull over and get a hotel room for a bit. It wasn't fun. We are here now though. The kids were excited to see my parents. This morning Benjamin told me he's ready to go home, to his "new house". Poor guy.
This morning Ben has more detailed autism testing. I'm hoping to get some good answer. Today is Day 2 of him being on his supplements. Jace is also taking them.
I weighed myself this morning and have lost 2 more pounds. I'm happy, but was hoping the number would be a bit bigger.
Anyways blogs maybe shorter over this week, as we will be busy seeing family and such!

UGGGGHHHH

everything in our life has culminated to a head over the last 24 hrs. Bri and my parents had a "situation" that pretty much ended in a complete breakdown in communication and everything else. It's a mess all around, and I attempted to help out, causing an even larger breakdown, ending in disaster. I'm absolutely done.

Today we had our appointments with the MD and with a local chiropractor who specializes with special needs children. Both told me that they are 99% sure that my "diagnosis" of Benjamin is correct. The doc is going to send us for specialized evaluation to get a definitive diagnosis for insurance, but we already know. Benjamin is autistic. I'm going to go ahead and start him on 3 supplements effective tomorrow, and am going to start pumping and see if I can get enough milk to supplement him. I'm relived to have a diagnosis but I feel horrible for Ben. The stigma that goes along with autism is horrible. I don't want people to treat him any different, he's still the same Benjamin that he has always been. I need to figure out how to deal with this as well. My heart is breaking for him. And I feel completely alone here with this.

I'm learning to knit. Right now I'm just knitting and purling rows back and forth, practicing over and over. I'm getting fast at it and pretty good. It is so therapeutic right now for me. I'm going to need to get my own set of needles soon and start getting some patterns so I can actually start making things. I suppose what I'm making right now is going to be a hot pad! i can't think of anything else to do with it! :)

I leave for Wichita tomorrow. I was looking forward to this trip, but not anymore. I'm not ready. I'm still trying to figure out how to situate our life here. I don't know how the shift in schedule and people is going to be for Benjamin. How he'll handle it. And I have no clue what kind of environment I'm getting ready to walk into at my parents house.

Caught in the Middle

Sometimes I feel stuck in the middle. I'm here in Iowa, a large portion of our family is in Kansas, including my husband, obviously. I'm trying to arrainge Emily's birthday so she has a great 7th birthday. That apparently isn't so easy. Brian is coming, and my parents are coming, and Brian's mom may be able to make it as well. I'm trying to organize people's arrival, sleeping arraingments and food. It's hard to get that all coordinated so that everyone is happy. I want the focus to stay on the fact that it's Emily's birthday, not on everyone's requests and wants. Also my family is having trouble learning to adjust to Brian's personality quirks. He is working OT and and going to school, and he's exhausted. By the time he gets home he eats and goes to his room and does computer stuff, watches TV, and sleeps. My family is feeling like he's upset or antisocial, and are wondering if they are doing something wrong. Brian doesn't even realize that he's coming across that way. He's just in his own world, being Brian. He doesn't feel connected to anything anymore in Wichita and is really missing his family. He feels as though he's stuck in limbo and that makes it even harder for him. So instead of them talking it out, I'm emailed privately by all parties, and left feeling like I'm the problem solver. I hear both sides, and I can completely see where both sides are coming from, but I have no idea how to make it better. I don't want anyone to get their feelings hurt or to feel like they've done something wrong. Nobody is mad at anybody, it's just a hard tiring time.
I just want all of this to be over with. I want my family back together again. I miss Brian, alot.

On a lighter good side we finally got our couch today. We got a large 3 piece sectional! I found it in the local newspaper. It's big and comfy, and does exactly what I need, and best of all it was cheap! :) YEAH! The kids are loving laying on it, and I can't wait to curl up on it tonight and watch TV! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Decent Day

Today didn't start out so great. Bri and I had a fight this morning so that started the day out pretty rough. It did improve for me though. I did some baking, and some decorating so that was nice. I cleaned house...scrubbed floors, bathrooms, etc. This is actually the first time I've done a full cleaning since we got here. It looks so much better in here!
Then a friend came over with her 2 kids. We talked cloth diapers, and she is teaching me how to knit. I'm learning so that I can make my own wool covers. We had a great time.
I finally got my tags this afternoon. took darned long enough, and was a big enough pain. But I have them, official Iowa tags, and an Iowa drivers license. Weird.
Emily told me this evening that I was the best mom ever and that I'm doing great keeping up with the housework. It made me feel good! :)
Ariana had her first cake. She was all frantic when I was eating a piece so I broke off small bites for her, and she loved it! Go figure!

Weird Dream Last night

I had a super weird dream last night. I dreamed that Brian and I went to Walmart to buy a Christmas tree. They had a special going on, that with each tree you bought you got a free sheep dressed up like a christmas tree. As we were leaving Walmart there was a protest going on. It was animal rights activists. Brian made me carry the sheep. They kept yelling at us and telling us that these sheeped weren't farm raised and that they were mass produced. Everytime we would get close to our van they would move our van farther away. As I was in that stage of coming out of a dream right before waking up I yelled at them that it was ok because after the holiday we were going to use the wool to knit diaper covers, so we were recycling. then I woke up. Spoooky. If that tells you anything about the lifestyle I'm experiencing around here! :)

In other news Benjamin still isn't feeling well. He only got sick one more time around 4:30am. He is still running a fever though and very sleepy and grumpy. Poor guy. He's napping now and I'm hoping that when he wakes up he'll be feeling a bit better.

Sickness AGAIN

Now Mr Ben is sick. I had to wake him up from nap and he was groggy. We got Emily and ran to the bank. He didn't eat his cookies and then laid on the floor of the bank. Was headed to the tag office, and he was crying, and then threw up all over himself. I wasn't sure if he was sick, or if he gagged on a cookie while crying. Came home, gave him a bath, and he was sorta okay but quiet. Then I checked his temp, and 100.4 So gave him tylenol and he laid in the chair and watched TV. He got fussy and went to bed early. He hasn't gotten sick again, so I'm not sure. By this point Emily had gotten sick like 10 something times. So not sure. We'll see how the night goes and hopefully he is feeling better in the morning.

I have a headache. I haven't slept near as much as I'd like, I haven't been making sure to eat and drink enough, and I've just been really stressed. So I think that is the cause of it all. I don't seem to be getting them until late in the day. I really need to be watching that I'm eating and drinking enough.

that's about all going on here. the kids are all in bed, and I'm going to watch a bit of TV and head to be myself!

shopping trip from Hell

We picked emily up from school and ran to the local grocery store to get our shopping done. the boys ran in and there it was. the darned school bus shopping cart. they piled in. part of the way through the store jace starts complaining that one of the steering wheels is missing and he wants to switch places with Ben so he can have a turn. I have Ben switch places and the tantrum begins. Ben screams and throws and hits and kicks. I take him out of the front car part and put him in the front basket with me. He gets even madder. At this point everyone in the area is staring at me. Some people with a look of sympathy some people with a very angry look. I quietly try to talk to him and calm him down but he's not having it. We grab the last few things and go to the checkout. i couldn't even hear the checkout lady. She offers a sucker, I refuse. The lady in line behind me comments that this is when you just want to pretend like they aren't even your kid. i thought yeah right. we simply couldn't get out of the store fast enough. then emily needs to pee, so we have to go find the bathroom, and then back to the front for stamps that i almost forgot. finally we were out of there. Ben didn't stop crying until we'd been home for 10 minutes. I just wanted to scream myself. It definately makes life hard.

October Already

I can't believe it's already October, the 2nd day in fact! Time is going fast, which is a good thing! The weekend with Brian has definately refreshed me. I'm not feeling quite so alone, and seperated. I will be in Wichita in 8 days! I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm excited to see everyone, but not the least bit happy about the drive with all of the kids by myself! :)
We are slowly adusting to life around here. It's alot different than life in Wichita. Things are slower here, very earth, environmental friendly. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but back home life is much faster and very convenience driven which results in alot more waste. We are adjusting to recycling and the kids think it's fun to have all the seperate bins in the kitchen. We have decided to minimize our waste (we are only allowed 1 35gallon trash container a week, and then full recycle bin and compost bin, and glass bins) that we are going to go back to using cloth diapers. We are going the cheap easy route of prefolds with wraps, covers, and wool. Our diaper trash each week alone is filling our limit on trash, so we've gotta make some more changes. We have been going to the local co-ops to buy our fruits and veggies, and will be going to the city wide farmers market this coming weekend. They close off an entire section of town and turn it into one huge farmers market. The kids are excited!
The kids are loving it here. Jace informed me this morning on the way to school that he likes it better in Iowa. i thought it was so cute. They are also getting used to spending alot of time outdoors. Benjamin screamed the whole way in the car this morning that he NEEDED to go outside. So we went to one of the local trails and went on a 2 mile walk. It is a very nice limestone trail, with small hills all throughout it. So pushing the weighted down double stroller through that was definately some exercise for me.
The leaves are turning fast here! The trees are also dropping leaves left and right. I can't believe how quickly fall is taking over! It has been pretty cool, and we've been living in jeans and long sleeve tshirts, in the mornings even sweaters.
The kids are all napping, and the house is quiet. It is my favorite time of day! We are supposed to get rain again this afternoon so the sky is that gray cloudy color, and you can hear the wind rustling in the trees. Perfect napping weather! :)

growing weekend

it's been a weekend of growth. Jace and Ari both have outgrown their clothes and we had to buy Ari some new clothes and I will start looking for some new jeans for Jace this next week. i also needed some new clothes this weekend! I was able to go to Old Navy and buy a shirt, sweater, and a jacket all in the regular dept, size XL. The shirt i could have gone in a large but across the still milk filled boobs i needed the bigger size! I'm so excited by this! It's been awhile since i've been able to shop anywhere for clothes!
Bri just left. It wasn't the sad tearful depressed goodbye this time. This weekend really helped all of us with the transition. we had a great time hanging out and spending time together. I will be in Wichita on the 11th, so not far away at all. I'm hoping that this next week and a half go fast!

Quick Check In

Brian got in at 1:30am saturday morning. It was so nice to see him even though it was the middle of the night and I was 98% asleep! :) Saturday morning when Ari woke up Brian went in to get her. I heard Emily all excited that daddy was here. So then he comes in with Ari and Jace comes running after. Benjamin on the other hand was unsure and it took him a few minutes to investigate and figure out what was going on. We had a homemade pancake and egg breakfast. It was nice! Then we decided to go to the IC co-op. Afterwards we wandered over to the CR mall and had a great time. It's a HUGE mall with tons of shops, restaurants, and play areas. We came home for nap, and Brian and I relaxed and watched TV while the kids slept. Last night we ate dinner out and ran a few errands. This morning I'm making homemade quiche and scones w/ cream for breakfast. Afterwards we are hoping to catch a walk on one of the local trails! Bri goes home this afternoon. I'm a bit sad, but very happy to have had this weekend, no matter how short. This wasn't a planned trip, so it's an extra bonus! The kids have enjoyed getting to see Brian! The kids and I will be in Wichita in 11 or 12 days so that isn't to long!
Anyways I'm the only one up so I had better get to cooking before everyone else gets up!
Hugs and love to all!

brian is coming for a visit

brian decided at around 2pm today to come to CR for the weekend. He will be here at like 1:30am. So the kids won't see him until morning! They don't know he's coming as he wants to suprise them! i'm beyond excited! i knew i'd miss him but never thought i'd miss him this much. and for most of you who know me you know i'm not a super moochy lovey kind of person! :) anyways i'm keeping busy by getting some housework done and stuff. i'd planned on doing housework tomorrow but with brian being here i don't want to use up time for cleaning. so i'm trying to get it all done tonight! YEAH! i'm excited!

longest night of my life

emily was up every 20-30 minutes sick, until around 2am. Then Jace woke up saying his tummy hurt. He spent almost 2 hrs in the bathroom, but never got sick. Around 4am he pooped. then he cried in bed. I put him on the floor of my room and he slept. Ariana woke up around 6am. So I slept maybe 2 hrs broken up. I'm exhausted. Emily says her tummy feels ok, and her head just hurts a bit. I'm guessing at this point it's from lack of sleep and a slight bit of dehydration. Jace says he feels fine. I'm just tired and have a slight headache, lack of sleep i'm guessing. i'm keep everyone home from school today, and we are going to try and have a quiet rest day. I'm praying that nobody else gets sick, especially me. That's all I need is to get sick and have to still run the house and take care of all 4 kids by myself.

Sick child and Candy Land

I got Emily and Jace to school this morning and then Ben, Ari, and I headed to a playdate. When we found out we were moving to CR I started up a meetup group. Today was our first official meetup. We had a great turn out of 7 moms! We had alot of fun! I got called at 11am saying that Emily was in the office complaining of a headache and had a low grade fever. I picked Jace up and got her. She had a horrible headache. Got her home and gave her motrin and put her to bed. She woke up hungry and saying she felt fine. She ate a sandwich and some yogurt. We decided to run to the store and look for some baskets. She got sick at the store. We immediately came home and she's gotten sick 4 more times. I'm thinking it's allergies and drainage, with a sinus headache. Jace is TV grounded so he and I played candy land. I kicked some candy land butt man! It took for darned ever but i won the first game. Then emily joined for the 2nd game. Jace got bored halfway through and Ben took over. After quite some time Mr Ben won! I forgot how long that game can go! :) We played at the coffee table in the living room and Ari happily played on the floor next to us. It was nice. Emily is now laying on the loveseat, Jace is watching TV, Ari is scooting aound the floor playing, and Ben is throwing a fit for a yellow. Gotta love life. I'm seeing any early bedtime in everyone's future!
Tomorrow with Emily being sick I think we'll stay close to home and relax. I could really stand to get some housework done. Yucky!

Exhausted

i'm beyond exhausted so this will be short. emily had school today, and did well. she had homework this evening and got it done pretty easily. her teacher sent home notices about sight words and she said emily already knows the 1st grade ones so sent her the 2nd grade ones. so i'm guessing that's a good thing. jace and benjamin also had school today. they had fun, and both made projects. once everyone was home it was a disaster. Ben snuck out of room NAKED during nap i have no idea how many times, jace and ben spent alot of time fighting, emily and jace were arguing back and forth. ben is getting into name calling. ariana was fussy. i was tired. it simply wasn't a good mixture. bedtime came a few minutes earlier than usual. now i just have to go carry jace to his bed so i can crawl into mine.
i'm struggling a bit dealing with the seperation from brian. little things are bugging me, and i'm sure the same for him. it's hard to understand what is going on with the other, being this far apart. it's strange only getting to talk to him on the phone.
the kids and i bought photo frames tonight and i sent pictures to walmart.com for printing. they are all random pictures of family and friends. i'm going to frame all of them and put them all over the house. i'm hoping that helps everyone.
the kids aren't actually voicing the fact that they are missing people, but their attitudes have been horrible, so i'm guessing they are.
anyways tomorrow we have a playdate! it's at a local park with some local moms! I'm excited, and hoping that the weather will be warmer for it! :)

LOOOOONG day

it's been an incredibly long day. first of all i'm simply getting lost everywhere i go, and that is making me late everywhere i go. i absolutely hate being late. i'm not a late person, and it's been hard for me to be late. i'm trying but i keep getting lost and i'm having trouble estimating how long it will take me to get from one location to the next.
jace had school again today and had another good day. when we got there and he walked in the room one kid yelled hello jace and that made jace so happy that the kid remembered him and his name. emily had her first day of school today. we went i with her to meet her teacher and find her classroom. she has a locker and she really liked that. her teacher sent me an email during the afternoon letting me know that emily was having a great day and a basic update on what emily was doing. i thought it was great that the teacher emailed me an update like that. i was super impressed. when i picked emily up she was very excited about her day and really liked her new school. so that's good.
benjamin, ariana, and i went walking at the mall again this morning with some local moms, and then afterwards we met a larger group of moms at the mall's playarea for a playgroup. it was alot of fun and nice to get out with other moms!
the phone guy was here for 2 hrs and he still can't get the phone to work. he is going to have to come back tomorrow and is expecting to be here all afternoon. so i have one phone in the back of the house main level sunroom. so yeah i have to be close to hear it ring.
the kids are driving me absolutely insane. they are beyond hyper, and not listening to me at all. there has been lots of fighting and yelling, and complete disobedience. i'm praying to god that things level out soon and that we can get on a good schedule.
today's been a bit depressing. it's rained most of the day and is pretty cold outside. it's supposed to get super cold tonight and then rain all day tomorrow as well. it makes for a dreary time.
tonight we are going to walmart to get some school shopping done. all the kids need school supplies and we need a few basic house things.
again missing everyone, especially bri!

boys start school

the boys started school today. They did well. Jace said that he likes his teachers and that he made some new friends. Ben's teachers said he did well, just didn't talk much. I know that will take him some time. I met 2 moms today. We met at the mall this morning and went walking and then sat at the play area and chatted. It was nice to meet some people and get out! We are going to meet to walk again tomorrow.

I didn't sleep so well last night. I fell asleep ok, but woke up at 3am and laid awake for hours. The bed is huge, and not having Brian there was really strange. I hope it gets easier, as it's only noon and I'm tired. I am going to need to get more sleep than this each night.

Our phone is still screwed up. We still can't receive phone calls, and can only make 5 minute phone calls before the phone disconnects. I'm AGAIN on hold with them trying to get it fixed. I spent over 3hrs on the phone with them yesterday and got nowhere. I'm not thrilled!

Brian just left

Brian just left to go home. Originally he was going to leave this morning. The he was going to leave at 1pm. Then 2. He ended up leaving at 3:15pm. The older 2 kids cried, the younger 2 don't understand. Brian and I cried. I've never seen Bri cry like that. I walked in the house and just stood there crying. I can't believe he's gone. I can't believe I'm here by myself. These last few days have felt normal, our family back together, just the 6 of us. Then all of a sudden it's Sunday and Bri's gone. I'm just overwhelmed, and nervous, and scared, and already feeling alone. well you get the idea, it's just making me cry all over again.

to everyone i still haven't called. i'm so sorry. i'm not ignoring you, i've just been spending the last few days with Bri and now i'm just blah and don't know if i feel like talking on the phone right now. i promise i'll call soon!

missing everyone, especially my husband.

First Post....

in Iowa. We are here. We got in around 8pm thursday night. It was a LONG trip. Benjamin threw tons of fits because he was bored, and Emily started asking if we were there yet about 30 minutes into the 10 something hour trip. We pulled over on the highway 4 times to deal with the children, and made 5 full stops at stop points along the way. It was long and tiring and not what I would call fun. We got in and went to the grocery store before coming home. We also found out that Brian's direct deposit got all screwed up so as of right now we still haven't gotten his paycheck which clearly makes money pretty tight.
We got all the school stuff done yesterday. Jace will start school Monday and he will go 5 mornings a week. Benjamin will also start school Monday (same school as Jace) and he will go on Monday and Wednesday mornings. Emily will start school on Tuesday. So the kids are excited.
They are loving it here! They've been very busy outside in the big fenced yard and have spent alot of time playing. We have 3 apple trees and they've been climbing. I'm assuming there will be an injury at some point! :) Ben is doing well. He's calmed down alot and we've only heard that he's scared twice so far. He's still not eating well but I'm hoping that will situate soon.
Today the cable/phone/and internet guy is here! YEAH!!!!!!! Then we are going to go out and explore for a bit and let the kids see some more of the city.
Brian leaves tomorrow. Time is going fast. I'm not sure what I think about him leaving. I'm still a bit nervous about being here by myself. We shall see.
Anyways sorry for not getting everyone called yet. things have been so hectic around here! I promise as soon as we get situated I'll call!
Hugs and missing all of you so much!

Last Blog.....

This is my last blog while living in Wichita. WOW. We aren't quite on schedule anymore and will be leaving later than 7am. The one day we wanted to be moving early the kids are still asleep among other things! I will not have internet for a few days! If you need me call my cell phone! If you need my cell phone number you can email me at ejbamommy@cox.net and the email will come to my cell phone! I will miss all of you more than you will ever know!
E~I know you are reading this. I had fun last night getting to chat for a bit! I will miss you soooo much! I will definately be seeing you in 3 weeks though! HUGS and belly rubs to thumper!!!

Another Day Gone By

Time is going so fast. Last night my parents took Emily out. Today my mom took Ben out. Tonight my parents took Jace out. I've been packing all day. Tomorrow is Jace's goodbye party at school. We load the van tomorrow and leave Thursday morning. It's just WOW. I can't keep up with how fast time is going right now. I have no clue what I think or feel about any of it right now. I'm excited and nervous. I've been chatting with some moms in Iowa and am super excited to meet them and start getting together. I'm sad though to be leaving my friends here. I just don't know what to expect and time is almost gone. Tomorrow will be spent at Jace's party, and then the afternoon packing and loading the car.

Whirlwind Weekend

Friday evening Brian and I spent the evening at the park with the kids. We all had alot of fun going out just the 6 of us!
Saturday morning we went and did all the normal shopping, but for the last time. Saturday afternoon we went over to a friends house and met another friend there as well. The kids played outside and the 3 of us talked. We took pictures and had a great time. It ended to soon though. Saturday evening was our last big dinner at my parents house! Dad cooked up an almost thanksgiving dinner!
Sunday morning we went to Jimmie's for breakfast and got pictures of all the waitresses and the kids. It was a great time! Then Brian and I took the kids to the zoo. It was again really nice spending time with the 6 of us. We took the train ride, something we don't do often. The kids loved it! Sunday afternoon we went to Brian's mom's house and played and visited, took pictures, and said goodbye. Sunday evening we went to Brian's dad and stepmom's house for a BBQ dinner. The kids had a great time playing outside and visiting.
Today the kids have school, and I'm getting together for breakfast with my best friend.
It's just a whirlwind of last visits. I'm almost a bit numb to it all right now. I've been taking pictures of everyone and am hoping that will help! It's just alot to take in right now!

I can't believe that we only have 3 days left here. It'll go by so fast, especially for the kids!

Ben and his eating

poor ben has had a rough day. The kids had KDO today. When I got there to pick up Ben they said he'd been laying in the playhouse grunting for almost an hour and they thought he was constipated. They said they had checked many times and he hadn't pooped. When he saw me he got up and walked strangly to me and said mommy poop. so i laid him down to change him. I took off his diaper and was horrified at what i saw. TMI WARNING. TMI WARNING. There was a large hard ball of poop about 1 1/2 to 2 times the size of his fist stuck about 1/3 of the way out. At this point he's crying and wimpering. his teacher sat at his head and talked to him while i attempted to figure out what to do. I tried to use a wipe, stuck. i tried shifting his body, stuck. finally another teacher suggested using a finger wrapped in wipe. I resituated his legs and it came out and 2 more large hard balls came out. He was so in pain and upset that he was just dripping sweat. I have no idea how long he had been like that before I got there. i felt so horrible for him, that must have been terrifying and clearly very uncomfy. I have got to get him eating, no matter what it takes. I saw on a mommy board I'm on about a snack grazing tray. I wrote down over 50 of their ideas and am going to go shopping. they reccomend making the tray up after breakfast and leaving it out all day. maybe this will help him eat more. it's atleast worth a try. Poor Ben can't keep going like this. i just feel horrible for the little guy.

The mind of a 4yr old

Jace and I were snuggling together yesterday chatting about the move to Iowa. He told me that he will miss his teachers and his friends and said he wants to visit them. I said that we definately could do that. I reminded him that he would meet more teachers and would find more friends as well in Iowa. He looked at me with his big blue eyes and asked me what happens if he can't find anyone there that will fit with him and that he likes. I felt so bad for him. He is a very family oriented kind of child. He is shy until he gets to know someone, and then he begins to open up. It takes time and consistency with Jace to make it to his "inner circle". I know deep down that he'll meet people and make new friends and that he will be happy, but it just broke my heart that he is thinking and worrying about those things.
I also think it maybe got to me as much as it did because I have the same fears. As a SAHM I think it has actually been harder to make friends. I have developed some great friendships here, and am crushed to have to leave these friends. I know that it doesn't mean our friendships end, but we can't just get together whenever we want. I'm nervous about meeting people and making an entire new social network again. I'm nervous about finding people with my same lifestyle and interests. I feel all the same things that my 4 yr old feels.
I know we'll all be ok. I'm excited about the new adventures, but a bit nervous to do this alone.

moving

we are moving. Like soon. We will leave 1 week from today. That is Thursday the 20th. Brian will come with us for the weekend to help us get there and situated. The kids will start school the next week. Talk about a fast change of plans. i honestly have no idea what i think or feel right now, but I feel as though I need to do what is best for the kids, us, and our finances in general. So wish me luck. There is alot to get done this next week! OOOH and we will be back in October for a week so we'll only be gone 3 wks before we are back again! :)

never ending

jace got injured. we had just put the kids to bed and were all in the kitchen. then you hear blood curtling screams from Jace. We all go rushing in there. He has a bookcase headboard and had went to lay his head down and instead hit the rim of the bookcase, HARD. which means the boys were probably playing. He has a cut halfway across his forward and a monstrous knot and already tons of bruising. We immediately got him to the bathroom because normally injuries and crying lead to throwing up for him and his tummy. The good news is no throwing up this time. The bad news is he looks horrible and he has quite the headache. He is now on grandma and grandpas bed with ice and grandma is reading dino T-rex books to him. The poor guy. that scream haunts me. i know that scream all to well and everytime i hear it my heart stops.

pluck nucking insurance

Excuse the language but holy cow. I hate my insurance company sometimes. They have denied my surgery. They don't think we've tried everything. Flipping asses. My family doctor AND my OB say we've tried everything and that the surgery is totally justifiable. But the insurance claims to have a doctor who says we haven't tried everything. I don't get why they have me have a Primary care and see specialists and all that just to turn around and tell these doctors, who mind you I've bee seeing for YEARS now, that they are wrong. ugggh sometimes i hate insurance companies. So now the surgery is off. Another thing not holding me here to Wichita any longer.

lots of decisions

we are contemplating the kids and I moving to Iowa sooner than later. Possibly even this next check. i think that Benjamin needs the stability and only 1 consistent adult working with him right now. As the saying goes "there are to many cooks in the kitchen" and I think that is making it even harder for Ben to deal with. We are talking and seeing what we can work out. I will update as soon as I know more.

Jace and Emily are both doing well with school. Emily is struggling a bit with math. It isn't her favorite subject and she doesn't put quite as much time and effort into it as she does her other activities. We are working on it in the evenings and she is greatly improving. Jace is learning about the letter i this week and we've been practicing how to write it and how to write his name. He gets so excited that he has homework! Ariana is doing well. She'll be 7 months old tomorrow! how time flies! She is scooting all over the place, and is getting up on her hands and knees and rocking back and forth. It won't be to long before she is fully crawling. She still can't sit well and doesn't have any interest in trying. Her priority is moving!
Brian is busy. He left yesterday at 5:30am and got home at 8pm. It's making for long hard days for him.
That's about all I suppose. As I find out more I'll update here!

Benjamin & Mommy Intuition

As most of you know Ben has had a rough time of it over the years. He spent a big chunk of his life in speech and physical therapy. When he graduated therapy he was still a bit behind but doing great and improving well. Then he started struggling a bit. I said that there was a problem, but everyone else was sure I was just being over protective and that he was fine. It kept getting worse. He has episodes where he just totally freaks out and cries and screams to the point he literally raises his body temperature and is pouring sweat. He gets scared all the time, of what we have no idea. He loves to be alone in quite and playing with one thing over and over. We took him back to the doctor and they scheduled him to go back to his original therapy place. Well they are still booked up so far that we are on the waiting list for a call to schedule an appt. We've been on this waiting list for over 5 months now. Then a few weeks ago Ben pretty much quit eating. He's never been a good eater and would sometimes go a few days without eating much, but the past few weeks it been much worse. He can go a whole week with hardly eating a meal. Again everyone kept telling me when he's hungry he'll eat. FINALLY this weekend I insisted that this isn't right, and that it isn't fair to be putting Ben through whatever he is struggling with. I insisted that he was going to the doctor and said I wanted Brian to come. Well the doc got him right in this morning. He completely agreed that there is a serious problem that needs dealt with. He is sending us to another place for a full evaluation and lab work. In the mean time he wants me to feed Ben whatever he will eat and give him atleast 2 pediasure shakes a day if at all possible. So Ben goes for his new evaluation on the 10th of October. I feel like such a horrible mother for not following my mommy intuition and for not pushing for an immediate answer. I feel as though I've let Ben down. He depends on me to keep him safe and protected, and I shouldn't have let everyone else tell me that he was ok, I should have pushed. I hope that they can quickly find out what is going on and that we can find out a solution or plan to help Ben cope better with whatever is scaring him and bothering him. Poor little Benjamin!
I also feel horrible because when he gets into one of his episodes no matter how sympathetic I try to be after 2 hrs of listening to him scream my patience is long gone and I just want to scream right along with him. I try everything I can think of to help him feel safe, or to simply distract him or whatnot but normally nothing works.

Move Date Set

We have set our move date. We were trying to decide if the kids and I should move before or after court. We were given the go ahead to move before hand, but have decided that we will use this time to finish up everything here. We will move October 18th! I'm excited!
I went out last night with a friend for dinner and shopping. It was really nice to go out and talk and shop without kids! I really needed that!
Today the older 2 kids went with mom and dad to church. We are here with the younger two. Ben got bit by a mosquito on his eye and it was totally swelled shut. The doc had us give him a large dose of benadryl so we wanted to let him rest today. Brian' van is at the shop for an oil change, and then Brian is going to attempt to recharge the air conditioner. Let's hope it works!
I bought Jace his new big boy carseat yesterday. He got a Regent. I think my car looks gorgeous with 4 Britax carseats in it! I love it! Brian thinks I'm nuts! :) Jace loves his new seat and is very excited to get to ride in it!

We bought a van!!!

We bought a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan!!! YEAH!!! It's in great condition with really low miles! We also got it with no money down and a lower payment than expected which is clearly always nice too! Now to go buy Jace his new big boy carseat today! We will be almost ready to make the move!!!
Brian is working 10hrs of OT today. It sucks. What is frustrating is the last bit of time the kids and I have here with him he's either at work or school. Not so fun.
I'm excited about the move. I'm ready to get moved now. Heck I think I'd move this weekend if I could. But then there is that part of me that doesn't want to move yet, and is a bit scared about the whole process. I think once I'm there it will all settle down and fall into place. I'm going to be calling the schools on Monday and that will decide when we move. I'm excited!

Decisions

We found a van that we like. We were there for hours last night. We will find out today if they will be able to get the financing and the terms that we want. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
Also the kids and I have a green light to go ahead and move. So now I will begin doing the school stuff, and all the little details that will need to be done for us to go ahead and move now. I'm excited, but nervous at the same time. I think Brian isn't super happy about the kids and I moving, but he does see the advantages as well. We will do our best to see each other as often as possible, even meeting halfway in KC.
Jace starts PreK today. He is so excited! I'm excited also! He's been so bored here at home all day every day. He's really been missing the interactions with other kids and stuff! I think Ben will be excited to have some non Jace time again! Jace can be a bit overwhelming for Ben's personality!

car shopping sucks

i hate car shopping. i really do. as most of you know Bri's car blew the engine and we are down to 1 vehicle. right now it's mostly working out. My mom borrowed a car from a friend so we have 4 vehicles total, but the borrowed car is bad...So it's not a great solution. so we are car shopping. they refuse to pretty much answer any questions over the phone. i don't have hours and hours to sit around and hang out and chit chat. i want the info and then i want to decide if it's worth going in and looking. but they have other things in mind. so we are going to have to drag ourselves out there tonight. I'm so not pleased by that.
we have a couple coming back to look at our house next week. they are really interested, so we are hoping they will make an offer!
Still no decision yet on the kids and I moving to Iowa now. I'm hoping to get an answer on that tonight. I'm so hoping that we can work it out for us to go. I'm a bit nervous about the thought of being in an unfamiliar city/state by myself with all 4 of my hooligans, but the thought is also a bit exciting. I know that I can do it and that it would all work out, it would just be a bit of work. Not that it isn't work now! :)
i'm contemplating a nap. seriously contemplating a nap! :)

wearing thin

emotions are wearing thin around here. everyone is tired. everything going on in our lives right now are emotionally, mentally and physically draining. Stupid arguements are occuring, short fuses, low thresholds of patience. everyone always claims that these kinds of life events makes you stronger but so far i just feel absolutely exhausted. I'm trying to keep up and keep smiling, but it's not been so easy lately.
Yesterday we had court. He did in fact show up. We will have a trial on September 15th. That is all I can say about it at the moment. It's just one more draining thing on my list. If you want/need more info on this topic please email me privately! :)
We lowered the price on our house yesterday. We still haven't had a single offer. We supposedly have 2 families interested but I'm not holding my breath. We've gotta get this stupid house sold, and fast. I need to be done with it.
I'm supposed to be having a partial hysterectomy on September 21st. The doc doesn't want to retry the novasure after the complications with the first one. I've been researching a bit and am a bit concerned about having a partial. there are apparently some side effects and some things that can go wrong that worry me a bit. So i'm going to have to call my doc and ask some more questions. i have no idea what to do.
my milk still seems to be low. i took fenugreek and it gives me a horrible headache. i have no idea why. so i've stopped taking it but my milk is still low. when we had to take Ari to the ER she weighed 13lbs 8oz. that means she's only gained like 5oz in the last 4 months. that's clearly an issue. i would like to take her to the doc and see what he says but i'm afraid his only suggestion will be to just give her formula and that's not the answer i'm looking for. i'm going to have to attempt to do some research on the subject and see what my other options are.
It looks like the kids and i may be moving to Iowa sooner than later. We are trying to work some things out and find out if the kids and i can go ahead and move there now instead of waiting until december. it would relieve some of my stress not having to be at my parents house anymore, but it would add some stress not having brian or anyone around to help out with the kids. i'd be completely on my own. we will know by this weekend what we are going to do with all of that.
ariana and ben are sleeping in this morning. it's kind of nice. emily is at school, jace is here playing cards on my bed, and i'm sitting her randomly blogging things that pop into my head. today is laundry day, and i'm not so excited about that. i hate laundry. my least favorite chore.