Monday, September 10, 2007

Benjamin & Mommy Intuition

As most of you know Ben has had a rough time of it over the years. He spent a big chunk of his life in speech and physical therapy. When he graduated therapy he was still a bit behind but doing great and improving well. Then he started struggling a bit. I said that there was a problem, but everyone else was sure I was just being over protective and that he was fine. It kept getting worse. He has episodes where he just totally freaks out and cries and screams to the point he literally raises his body temperature and is pouring sweat. He gets scared all the time, of what we have no idea. He loves to be alone in quite and playing with one thing over and over. We took him back to the doctor and they scheduled him to go back to his original therapy place. Well they are still booked up so far that we are on the waiting list for a call to schedule an appt. We've been on this waiting list for over 5 months now. Then a few weeks ago Ben pretty much quit eating. He's never been a good eater and would sometimes go a few days without eating much, but the past few weeks it been much worse. He can go a whole week with hardly eating a meal. Again everyone kept telling me when he's hungry he'll eat. FINALLY this weekend I insisted that this isn't right, and that it isn't fair to be putting Ben through whatever he is struggling with. I insisted that he was going to the doctor and said I wanted Brian to come. Well the doc got him right in this morning. He completely agreed that there is a serious problem that needs dealt with. He is sending us to another place for a full evaluation and lab work. In the mean time he wants me to feed Ben whatever he will eat and give him atleast 2 pediasure shakes a day if at all possible. So Ben goes for his new evaluation on the 10th of October. I feel like such a horrible mother for not following my mommy intuition and for not pushing for an immediate answer. I feel as though I've let Ben down. He depends on me to keep him safe and protected, and I shouldn't have let everyone else tell me that he was ok, I should have pushed. I hope that they can quickly find out what is going on and that we can find out a solution or plan to help Ben cope better with whatever is scaring him and bothering him. Poor little Benjamin!
I also feel horrible because when he gets into one of his episodes no matter how sympathetic I try to be after 2 hrs of listening to him scream my patience is long gone and I just want to scream right along with him. I try everything I can think of to help him feel safe, or to simply distract him or whatnot but normally nothing works.

1 comment:

CNH said...

See, there is a danger in the word "should". You can't go back and change things and if I know you, you were doing the best that you could with the information you had at the time. No one wants to push the "danger" button without being sure first.


I hope you get some answers soon mama.