Monday, October 8, 2007


everything in our life has culminated to a head over the last 24 hrs. Bri and my parents had a "situation" that pretty much ended in a complete breakdown in communication and everything else. It's a mess all around, and I attempted to help out, causing an even larger breakdown, ending in disaster. I'm absolutely done.

Today we had our appointments with the MD and with a local chiropractor who specializes with special needs children. Both told me that they are 99% sure that my "diagnosis" of Benjamin is correct. The doc is going to send us for specialized evaluation to get a definitive diagnosis for insurance, but we already know. Benjamin is autistic. I'm going to go ahead and start him on 3 supplements effective tomorrow, and am going to start pumping and see if I can get enough milk to supplement him. I'm relived to have a diagnosis but I feel horrible for Ben. The stigma that goes along with autism is horrible. I don't want people to treat him any different, he's still the same Benjamin that he has always been. I need to figure out how to deal with this as well. My heart is breaking for him. And I feel completely alone here with this.

I'm learning to knit. Right now I'm just knitting and purling rows back and forth, practicing over and over. I'm getting fast at it and pretty good. It is so therapeutic right now for me. I'm going to need to get my own set of needles soon and start getting some patterns so I can actually start making things. I suppose what I'm making right now is going to be a hot pad! i can't think of anything else to do with it! :)

I leave for Wichita tomorrow. I was looking forward to this trip, but not anymore. I'm not ready. I'm still trying to figure out how to situate our life here. I don't know how the shift in schedule and people is going to be for Benjamin. How he'll handle it. And I have no clue what kind of environment I'm getting ready to walk into at my parents house.

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