today hasn't been so fun. this morning i woke up at 4am. finally got up and got my shower. bri and i had a bit of a disagreement this morning starting the day off not so beautifully. got emily and jace to school and headed home for a playdate. picked up, got snack ready etc. and waited and waited and waited. after 45 minutes of waiting i finally went and tried to get my errands done. i of course didn't have enough time to finish them. got jace from school. home for lunch and naps. a friend was supposed to come over between 3 and 5. i waited. went to get emily from school and came home and waited. i finally emailed her. she forgot and her son was having a bad day. she rescheduled for tomorrow. so i ran to the store. the kids totally freaked out there. horrible. came home. ate dinner late. now the older 3 are downstairs and Ari is up here with me. I'm just exhausted. I'm missing my friends and family. i'm missing being in a familiar environment with real people. i'm missing adults, and adult interactions. Jace is constantly bouncing of the walls and getting into trouble, communication and freak outs with Ben are exhausting and there is no talking him through it, etc. I'm just stretched so thin and I'm so tired. I'm still not sleeping well at night at all. I wake up 2-3 times and not just for a minute or two, sometimes for hours. The only time I sleep well is the few nights that I'm with Brian. To top off my whole day I think I'm getting a sinus infection which probably makes it all seem even worse, because I feel like absolute crap.
I just didn't realize some of the challenges that we would face during this time. It's things that I hadn't expected, hadn't planned for. Things that I have no clue how to deal with. I also never realized I'd be so exhausted, and that I'd feel so alone.