Monday, December 29, 2008

Breath

First I just want to say thank you to everyone for all the comments, emails, messages, texts, and phone calls! I am beyond blessed to have so many amazing friends and family, and such a strong support system! I do truely love all of you!
I'm getting asked alot of the same questions so I will type up the answers as best as possible without violating the privacy of others involved.
Bri and I started going to counseling almost 2 1/2 years ago. We both agreed to keep it between us, and we did. We didn't seem to get very far. As you all know the kids and I moved to Iowa 3 months before Bri. This time gave me my 1st glimpse at me. I went thru hell and back during that time, dealing with a new city, a new life, and Ben's autism diagnosis. I was in the end quite amazed by the strength I was able to find. Thru all of this I've been on my "weight loss journey". Everyone told me that it would change me and I didn't believe it. I still remember the 1st time I met my surgeon. We talked about the relationship changes, and the mental and emotional changes. I saw those things but had no idea it was a direct result of my lifestyle change. When Bri joined us here in Iowa we never were able to quite sync back up and get on track together. Bri struggled getting situated in his job, and I struggled with everything. We both pulled farther and farther away from each other into our own worlds. Before you knew it we simply lived under the same roof, and discussed the kids when needed. We just lived day to day, that was all. Neither of us was happy and neither of us knew what to do at that point. I'm not sure where the transition or the shift was, but we hit the point where neither of us cared anymore.
In March of 2008, I met someone, and we got to be good friends that was all. Somewhere it began to shift and neither of us exactly know where and how. It just happened. We talked about it alot and ignored the changes. It finally hit the point where there wasn't any ignoring it any more. This was not something I was looking for and neither was he, it just happened.
Right now the 7 of us live here. Bri will be moving in the next week or 2, and we will be moving to Wichita at the end of the month back to Wichita. Bri and I have agreed to everything, and have already drawn up all the paperwork on our own. He will be coming into Wichita twice a month and will have the kids here in Iowa a minimum of 3 1/2 weeks a year. Bri and I are doing well working through all of this, and the kids are doing great. If only some of the family could do so well.

I'm doing pretty well. Physically I'm exhausted. My body isn't what it was a month ago. I still can't do much. I'm hoping when I go to the surgeon tomorrow I can atleast get my drain and cables out. We shall see.
Mentally and emotionally I'm exhausted. There have been so many changes and decisions. I've had alot to work thru and alot to think thru. I don't think like I used to. I'm honestly terrified to be coming back to Wichita. I'm not the same person that I was 16 months ago. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a person I don't know. Every aspect of me has changed. I'm happy, happier than ever before, and I feel a peace like I didn't even know existed. But I'm nervous how people from my past are going to feel, how will I connect with all these same people again? I'm also excited. I'm excited for my life to begin. I'm excited to breath.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Heather, I have been thru the same thing that you have went through. Married, living with my boyfriend at the time. was an interesting situation but do what is right for you. I have and look where I am now. Happier than I have ever been.
T

Jodi said...

You must follow your heart. You deserve to be happy. In fact, all of you do!

Michelle said...

Heather,

You know I am there if you need to talk.

~* N *~ said...

I'm glad the parting is going well. It's great that you two can at least work it out together and make it as easy on the kids as possible.

I wish you a safe journey as you move back here. It'll be really great to see you again!