Miles

Last week I ran 1.55 miles without taking 1 single walk step break.
Saturday I ran 3.1 miles without taking 1 single walk step break.
Last night I ran 5 miles without taking 1 single walk step break.

My strength amazes me.  The things my body is able to do.
18 months ago I was barely able to take a few steps with the walker after brain surgery.
15 months ago I had no desire to take any steps without my baby in my arms.
Now I'm running.  I'm running far.  I'm running hard.  I'm breaking PR's.  I'm pushing myself physically, mentally and emotionally.

I finished my run last night and simply couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I had just run 5 miles.  Those miles felt like something I can't even describe.  The pride.  The accomplishment.

Not emotions I'm used to having about myself.  I have always struggled to love myself, be proud of myself, to love and respect my body.  It's been a lifelong challenge.
I'm not saying I have found the answers to self esteem, body image issues.
I will however say that I'm finding MYSELF in these miles.

The saying my best friend told me all those months ago, "May the pounding of your feet crush the broken pieces into something new" is slowly but surely taking on more and more meanings for me.
I'm crushing my anger, disgust, shame and hatred for my body.  I am finding a warrior inside of myself.
My body can do things that it could never do before.  Things I was never able to push myself to do.  I'm learning to conquer my body and my mind.
No PR, no scale, no pace, no medal shows the changes inside of me.

I may not always want to run, but I will run.  I will conquer the miles, I will conquer the voice inside that says it's to hard, the voice that says I can't do it.  I will conquer it, I will win.  It won't always be pretty, but it will be ME!

I'm proud, and for once I'm proud of MYSELF!