Leaving on a Jet plane.....

We leave in a few hours to head to the airport. I'm not looking forward to the trip. I used to really enjoy travelling, especially flying, but after our last trip I'm not looking forward to it at all. We go through Chicago again as well, which just makes it worse. Ariana isn't to thrilled this afternoon, so it'll be interesting to see how she does tonight. I got all the kids down for naps, or so I thought, so I decided to lay down myself. I was 3/4 asleep and I heard the floor creaking and footsteps upstairs. Jace had snuck out and was roaming the house hunting for toys. Of course moments later Ariana is crying. He woke her up. Go figure. So now she is struggling to go back to sleep, Jace is on the bed, but not sleeping, and I'm clearly not getting a nap. Go figure. It's going to be a long night I think. We don't even get into Cedar Rapids until 10:10 tonight. So who knows what time we'll finally get to bed, and we have to meet the movers at the house at 8am. UGGGH. Again I say I hate traveling.
My friend came over last night for some big girl babywearing training. I knew how to carry Ari as a little infant, but was struggling with how to do it as a big girl wanting to see the world. She brought a pouch with her and I absolutely loved it. It's sooo easy and fast to use. Ari has spent half the day in it and we even went shopping. I also absolutely love the material. The inside of it is black and white checked and the outside is a retro pinup girl kind of pattern. It's great! Ari loves it and its easy so works for me! I think it will also make this airplane trip so much easier! Which is obviously a good thing as well.
Bri and I won't have internet this trip. So I won't be back at a computer until Monday evening. We'll obviously have our cell phones, with email access so if you need me email or call! BYE BYE!!!!

Movers and Shadows

Brian and I went to our house Monday evening to pick up some fenugreek. We ended up laying on our bed and staring at the ceiling for an hour. I didn't want to leave. It all of a sudden hit me that this was it. The movers were scheduled to arrive Tuesday morning. I got over there before they did and went through the house and took pictures of every single room and closet and bathroom in the house. I was sitting on the couch looking back through them to make sure that they turned out ok. I hadn't deleted the card and there were pictures of the kids. Pictures of them running around and playing in the house. Then it hit me. There wouldn't be anymore pictures of the kids playing there. No more holidays, birthdays, first steps, nothing. I sat on the couch and cried. As I looked around the house I could literally see "shadows" of the kids playing, eating, napping. I remembered sneaking to the bottom of the steps and catching Jace peaking out of his room when he was supposed to be napping, Benjamin playing peek a boo around his bedroom door, Ari playing with the shag rug in her bedroom, Emily playing in her orange room on her computer. I feel like we are losing an entire part of our lives. I know that the family is what matters, not the house, but there are so many memories there, that is our home. It was hard. As the movers packed strangely it felt a bit easier. This morning I went over there to let the movers in so they could begin to load. I had all the kids with me. The kids ran through the house and looked at their rooms. They were excited. Excited about what is coming. I took more pictures. Pictures of the boxes, pictures of the packed rooms. I looked in my room and all 4 of my kids were playing on my bed. I took pictures, tons of pictures of them. I felt so greatful that I was able to take one last set of pictures of my kids in our home. I know that sounds strange but it gave me a feeling of peace. I still feel as though we are leaving our life, our home, our everything, but I know that we are just closing one chapter and starting another. Maybe our "shadows" will follow us there, or better yet we will get new and improved "shadows".

Breastfeeding

I have always been so determined to breastfeed until self weaning and to make it work. This has only been successful with 1 out of the 3. With Ariana being my last I have been even more determined than before. She loves to eat, and we haven't had any problems latching on since the first few weeks. But my milk supply seems to be dwindling. She is having some issues with constipation, she isn't gaining weight, she seems to be constantly hungry, and its been quite a while since the last time my breasts were even slightly engorged. It's all really come to my attention since my surgery and being sick and the increased weight loss, and the move into my parents house. My diet has been sparse, and my water consumption has probably been way down. I need to get to eating consistently and I really need to up my water. I also probably need to go get some fenugreek. I know all the things I need to do to get my milk supply up, but I just can't seem to get my crap together to get it done. I don't want to quit breastfeeding, I really don't. Poor Ariana. I feel horrible to be putting the poor girl through it. She's gotta be frustrated about the whole lower milk supply thing. Dang I would be if someone was cutting my food in half without asking me! :)

Torn

I have decided to start a permanent dedicated blog, that is not hosted on myspace and such. This allows me to have one space that anyone can come read without having to have a myspace account. This is an advantage and a slight disadvantage as well. This allows me the opportunity to post whatever I would like and to really say everything I'm thinking and feeling, but it also scares me to be that honest knowing that everyone may be reading it.
So I've decided to set a "rule". You are more than welcome to read my blog anytime you would like. BUT please know that I am going to use this blog to say whatever I would like. I will not be responsible for anyone becoming upset or supposedly offended by anything that I post. This is my place to say whatever is on my mind, my own personal haven.
That being said lets have fun! I will begin blogging and will try and maintain a consistent and updated blog!
Enjoy!