Monday, October 29, 2012


It was a roller coaster of a weekend.  On Friday we obviously got the news on me.  We told the kids Friday evening and had an evening home.
Saturday was Emily's birthday so we tried to keep the focusing on celebrating her 12th bday!  We went to Legoland and out to dinner.
Saturday evening bob and I stopped by a friends halloween party and hung out for a little bit.
Sunday Bob and I took Eli to church and the older 4 went with Lauren and my parents to lauren's church.
Sunday evening the olders went with lauren to a bonfire at church and Bob and I had some quiet time at home with Eli.
This morning has brought around 20 phone calls, some emails, appts, and alot of planning.  It's all in planning mode at this point.  They have scheduled me a rush appt with the neurosurgeon on November 8th.  I have my surgery on my right hand/arm on November 2nd.  So it's alot of things happening really quickly.
Today was luckily Monday so I had my standing appt with my grief counselor.  I absolutely love her and have no idea how I would make it thru without her.  I was able to openly really talk to her today about some of my thoughts and feelings and things I wanted to get done.
This evening is my first class titled "Support for the Supporters".  Right now it seems so far out and strange. 
The weekend was an unpredictable emotional rollercoaster.  Some songs simply caused me to cry.  Someone talking to me.  Just sitting there thinking in those few un-busy moments.  Today I feel numb.  It's been a whirlwind of planning and that's kept me mostly busy.  I've only cried once today and that's once to many for me.  I'm so tired of crying.  I'm so tired of feeling any emotion right now.  I'll take numb.  After these last 3 yrs of continual bad news and heartache, numb is very much welcome.
I will get more updates up this week, but just wanted to hit a brief check-in.

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