Bens teachers, therapists, and team have asked us to make some recordings of Ben so they can get a full understanding of Benjamin to help come up with ways to help him cope. So we've begun doing just that. Alot of people have asked what it's like living with an autistic child, and alot of people have said yeah well my child throws a tantrum sometimes too. So I have decided to share some of these videos to give everyone a glimpse into our journey thru autism. Preface for todays video. Ben has a wooden loft bed. Hes on the bottom, with a bookcase next to him that supports Jace's upper bunk. Ben has decided that the bottom bookshelf is an oven and he LOVES to go into this oven and hide for hours. The problem is he wants random people to do the same with him. First nobody else can fit but Ari, secondly none of us want to stuff ourselves in there for hours. Today he decided he wants Jace in there with him and that he's scared. So this video is about 30 minutes into a Ben meltdown screaming that he's scared and he wants Jace in the oven with him. The meltdown hasn't ended so no guarantees how long it will last. We all deal with these 15-20 times a day. Luckily we have 4 adults to take turns, but unfortunately normally he knows exactly who he wants each random time so nobody else can step in at that point or it makes matters even worse.
***please don't give me parenting advice or say it's horrible that my child is allowed to scream like this for hours a day. A normal toddler and an autistic 4 year old are lightyears apart and we do what has been decided on by an entire team of experts. this is being posted for educational purposes only, not to talk about my parenting***
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Ultrasound and Updates
Yesterday was our sono. Babes was head down and very uncooperative for her being able to see most of the organs that they check on. She said it was however super easy to see that babes is a BOY! He weighed in at 11oz, and his HB was 170. All that she was able to see looked good! He was measuring 3 days ahead putting my due date on Dec 18th. We are almost 20 weeks, halfway done. WOW!!! His name will be Elias Richard, and we will call him Eli.
Other than that. We just got the kids enrolled in school today. Benjamin is in PreK this year, Jace 1st and Emily 3rd. They are getting so old. We met with Ben's teacher today and our big goal for the year is potty training. We'd like Ben to be in a "normal" kindergarten class with support and all agree that this would definitely help make that a bit easier. We will start working on potty every hour. They will do the same at school. Ariana will be the only one at home until the baby gets here around Christmas. I'm thinking school starting will be hardest on her, as she will lose all her playmates.
Bob has been job hunting TONS, and has had multiple interviews. He has another interview on Friday. We've expanded our search out to the entire Kansas and Missouri area, and are just hoping something comes up soon.
The basement at my parents house flooded and we are now all 8 living in 1400 sq ft, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. It's been a bit cozy but is actually not been bad. The living room has been done up beautifully and the kids have tons of play and Wii area. They've loved having so much space to play the Wii. My dad has had mold experts and contractors in and they will be starting in the next week or 2. The entire basement will be ripped out and has to be cleaned and redone, including all the foundation repair. (all but the 2 storage rooms.) Fun stuff. It will be fairly time consuming we are guessing.
Other than that not much going on. I'm off to go make some no-bake cookies! YUMMMMMY!
Other than that. We just got the kids enrolled in school today. Benjamin is in PreK this year, Jace 1st and Emily 3rd. They are getting so old. We met with Ben's teacher today and our big goal for the year is potty training. We'd like Ben to be in a "normal" kindergarten class with support and all agree that this would definitely help make that a bit easier. We will start working on potty every hour. They will do the same at school. Ariana will be the only one at home until the baby gets here around Christmas. I'm thinking school starting will be hardest on her, as she will lose all her playmates.
Bob has been job hunting TONS, and has had multiple interviews. He has another interview on Friday. We've expanded our search out to the entire Kansas and Missouri area, and are just hoping something comes up soon.
The basement at my parents house flooded and we are now all 8 living in 1400 sq ft, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. It's been a bit cozy but is actually not been bad. The living room has been done up beautifully and the kids have tons of play and Wii area. They've loved having so much space to play the Wii. My dad has had mold experts and contractors in and they will be starting in the next week or 2. The entire basement will be ripped out and has to be cleaned and redone, including all the foundation repair. (all but the 2 storage rooms.) Fun stuff. It will be fairly time consuming we are guessing.
Other than that not much going on. I'm off to go make some no-bake cookies! YUMMMMMY!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
New Meds and a Nemo Vest
Those are the new things in our life lately.
Mr Ben has started a new meds regimin. He's taking Mag and B6. These have both been shown to be very helpful for moods with autistic children. So far we've noticed a very slight change we think but we won't know for sure for another week or so. We started at the smallest dose so we have quite a bit of room to go up if we need to, but we wanted to take it slow. He only has to take them once a day right now crushed in some applesauce and he doesn't seem to mind, which is good! Ben has 1 more week left of ESY (extended school year) and then he's on "summer break" until school starts. It'll be interesting to keep up with activities and schedules now that he won't have his daily school. He really enjoys going and he likes the routine of it. So we shall see how it goes.
Ms Ari got the Nemo vest. She had OT and speech this morning and her OT thought the vest would be good for her to try. Ari has alot of sensory issues and they've been really wanting to work on "heavy work" with her. So the weighted vest helps with those things. She will wear it right now 2 or 3 times a day for 20 to 30 minutes each. It will take a bit of time to get the weight to the right point for her, so we'll see how it goes. She wore it during therapy for 45 minutes and didn't mind it at all, although right now the weight is a bit low probably for her size.
The older 2 are doing pretty good. Darned bored with summer. They went out yesterday to a movie and enjoyed that. They are fighting constantly, right now even in fact. Tons of tatteling happening and lots of whining. They are definitely ready for school to start back up. They've both been getting some new chores around the house to earn a bit of extra money and they've been enjoying that.
Bob and I are well. He's still job hunting. The market right now is HORRIBLE. We are hoping to find something soon. I'm doing pretty good. I'm over 17wks pregnant now and our sonogram is less than 2 weeks away. We've both been doing quite a bit of knitting and reading in preparation for the new babes.
Not much else going on all in all. same old shit different day. you get how it is! :)
Mr Ben has started a new meds regimin. He's taking Mag and B6. These have both been shown to be very helpful for moods with autistic children. So far we've noticed a very slight change we think but we won't know for sure for another week or so. We started at the smallest dose so we have quite a bit of room to go up if we need to, but we wanted to take it slow. He only has to take them once a day right now crushed in some applesauce and he doesn't seem to mind, which is good! Ben has 1 more week left of ESY (extended school year) and then he's on "summer break" until school starts. It'll be interesting to keep up with activities and schedules now that he won't have his daily school. He really enjoys going and he likes the routine of it. So we shall see how it goes.
Ms Ari got the Nemo vest. She had OT and speech this morning and her OT thought the vest would be good for her to try. Ari has alot of sensory issues and they've been really wanting to work on "heavy work" with her. So the weighted vest helps with those things. She will wear it right now 2 or 3 times a day for 20 to 30 minutes each. It will take a bit of time to get the weight to the right point for her, so we'll see how it goes. She wore it during therapy for 45 minutes and didn't mind it at all, although right now the weight is a bit low probably for her size.
The older 2 are doing pretty good. Darned bored with summer. They went out yesterday to a movie and enjoyed that. They are fighting constantly, right now even in fact. Tons of tatteling happening and lots of whining. They are definitely ready for school to start back up. They've both been getting some new chores around the house to earn a bit of extra money and they've been enjoying that.
Bob and I are well. He's still job hunting. The market right now is HORRIBLE. We are hoping to find something soon. I'm doing pretty good. I'm over 17wks pregnant now and our sonogram is less than 2 weeks away. We've both been doing quite a bit of knitting and reading in preparation for the new babes.
Not much else going on all in all. same old shit different day. you get how it is! :)
Monday, July 13, 2009
2 missing front teeth for Jace and 17 weeks pregnant for me
Jace lost his 2nd front tooth this morning! He's super excited to be missing both front teeth!
Also I'm 17wks today and have been a bit behind on updating photos! So here's a pic this afternoon!
Also I'm 17wks today and have been a bit behind on updating photos! So here's a pic this afternoon!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Flawed System
The system is flawed. It's not that I didn't know this before, it's just that I've been dealing with it so much the last few days. To start I'll preface this so it makes sense.
Benjamin has been OUT OF CONTROL lately. He's getting really bad really fast and we can't come up with a solution at all. He's not eating again, which isn't to unusual for him. He throws his food, screams, kicks, and most of the time won't even come to the table. He is ruining everything. Most everything is covered in pen, crayon, highlighter, sharpies etc. I'm using my dads laptop because Ben colored all over our computer monitor with a sharpie marker. He takes all the clothes from the dresser and throws them everywhere multiple times a day. He broke the windows, and the screens. He stole 2 pairs of scissors and sliced his sheets up. He shreds Sams boxes full of diapers. He sneaks food and throws it all over the house. He shreds games and game pieces. He's now used 3 tubes of tooth paste to paint his bedroom, his brother and himself. He covered the basement in honey. He wrote all over the white couch. He trashed all the DVDS and CDS. Took jewelry from my moms room. Stuck a bead up his nose. Slammed doors on people. hits kicks and pushes his siblings. sleeps for MAYBE a few hours a night, yelling the rest of the time. Last night he was kicking and slamming his door so hard that he literally ripped the screws that hold the door onto the frame out and the door is now broken. if we put a baby gate up he kicks it until it comes out. He broke my dad's telescope. he runs away from us in public. he insists on wearing pj's anytime he's near his room. he obsessed over trains to the point it goes everywhere with him and he freaks out if anyone else touches them. he screams so much from sun up to sun down that the adults get headaches almost every day. we have to pause the TV in the evening every 2-10 minutes because he will scream until someone comes. he peels all the wallpaper off the walls. He repeats the same thing obsessively over and over until you either repeat it back the way he wants it, or you come up with the answer that he wants. and even then sometimes he won't stop.
these are just a FEW of the things we are dealing with on a daily basis. It's at the point where he can't be alone at all and an adult has to be with him at all times. The crappy part is when he's in freak out mode I seem to be the only one able to cuddle him and calm him down. so that makes for great fun! :)
we've spent the last week calling all the phone numbers we possibly can trying to get some additional autism testing and support. we are getting nowhere. heck the state of kansas behavioral and mental health line informed me there are NO autism resources in our area. It's been very frustrating. We've got some more calls in and waiting for phone calls back. With so many people with autistic children you would think our system would be better equipped for this. To be told there are NO resources. WOW. the good news for ben is I won't give up, the bad news for all these people is I won't give up! :) by the time I'm done nobody will be told there are no resources, because I won't drop this. It's not fair to parents and families.
in other news.
Emily~She's doing good. A bit bored with summer, but all in all well. She's been reading alot. She's participating in 2 reading programs so that keeps her busy. She's also been watching all the Harry Potter movies and is loving them. She spends quite a bit of time on her laptop playing games, and learning to type faster.
Jace~He's just Jace. All energy. He's also in the summer reading program, and has been working thru some books. His reading does seem to be improving as he is doing better reading boxes and labels and signs and such. He got a big boy bike and is going to be learning to ride that as well.
Ariana~She's doing good. She's still the little princess. Always singing and dancing and playing dress up. She's still in OT and will be having a new speech evaluation next week. She's been making some improvements with her hands and hand movements and is finally starting to get some of that down.
Me~I'm 16 1/2 weeks pregnant already. Time is flying and I have no idea if it's going to slow down at all. My sono is on the 28th of this month and we think that we will be finding out if it's a boy or a girl. I've been doing lots of knitting and that's keeping me pretty busy.
Bob~he's doing good. still job hunting. the job market around here really sucks right now, not that it's great anywhere else either. he has learned to knit and so spends some time in the evenings doing that as well! :)
Benjamin has been OUT OF CONTROL lately. He's getting really bad really fast and we can't come up with a solution at all. He's not eating again, which isn't to unusual for him. He throws his food, screams, kicks, and most of the time won't even come to the table. He is ruining everything. Most everything is covered in pen, crayon, highlighter, sharpies etc. I'm using my dads laptop because Ben colored all over our computer monitor with a sharpie marker. He takes all the clothes from the dresser and throws them everywhere multiple times a day. He broke the windows, and the screens. He stole 2 pairs of scissors and sliced his sheets up. He shreds Sams boxes full of diapers. He sneaks food and throws it all over the house. He shreds games and game pieces. He's now used 3 tubes of tooth paste to paint his bedroom, his brother and himself. He covered the basement in honey. He wrote all over the white couch. He trashed all the DVDS and CDS. Took jewelry from my moms room. Stuck a bead up his nose. Slammed doors on people. hits kicks and pushes his siblings. sleeps for MAYBE a few hours a night, yelling the rest of the time. Last night he was kicking and slamming his door so hard that he literally ripped the screws that hold the door onto the frame out and the door is now broken. if we put a baby gate up he kicks it until it comes out. He broke my dad's telescope. he runs away from us in public. he insists on wearing pj's anytime he's near his room. he obsessed over trains to the point it goes everywhere with him and he freaks out if anyone else touches them. he screams so much from sun up to sun down that the adults get headaches almost every day. we have to pause the TV in the evening every 2-10 minutes because he will scream until someone comes. he peels all the wallpaper off the walls. He repeats the same thing obsessively over and over until you either repeat it back the way he wants it, or you come up with the answer that he wants. and even then sometimes he won't stop.
these are just a FEW of the things we are dealing with on a daily basis. It's at the point where he can't be alone at all and an adult has to be with him at all times. The crappy part is when he's in freak out mode I seem to be the only one able to cuddle him and calm him down. so that makes for great fun! :)
we've spent the last week calling all the phone numbers we possibly can trying to get some additional autism testing and support. we are getting nowhere. heck the state of kansas behavioral and mental health line informed me there are NO autism resources in our area. It's been very frustrating. We've got some more calls in and waiting for phone calls back. With so many people with autistic children you would think our system would be better equipped for this. To be told there are NO resources. WOW. the good news for ben is I won't give up, the bad news for all these people is I won't give up! :) by the time I'm done nobody will be told there are no resources, because I won't drop this. It's not fair to parents and families.
in other news.
Emily~She's doing good. A bit bored with summer, but all in all well. She's been reading alot. She's participating in 2 reading programs so that keeps her busy. She's also been watching all the Harry Potter movies and is loving them. She spends quite a bit of time on her laptop playing games, and learning to type faster.
Jace~He's just Jace. All energy. He's also in the summer reading program, and has been working thru some books. His reading does seem to be improving as he is doing better reading boxes and labels and signs and such. He got a big boy bike and is going to be learning to ride that as well.
Ariana~She's doing good. She's still the little princess. Always singing and dancing and playing dress up. She's still in OT and will be having a new speech evaluation next week. She's been making some improvements with her hands and hand movements and is finally starting to get some of that down.
Me~I'm 16 1/2 weeks pregnant already. Time is flying and I have no idea if it's going to slow down at all. My sono is on the 28th of this month and we think that we will be finding out if it's a boy or a girl. I've been doing lots of knitting and that's keeping me pretty busy.
Bob~he's doing good. still job hunting. the job market around here really sucks right now, not that it's great anywhere else either. he has learned to knit and so spends some time in the evenings doing that as well! :)
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Brian's Texts Revealed
Most of you know alot of what has been going on with Bri and I. Some of you know everything and have read all of the texts. some of you only know little bits and pieces. I finally had to block Brian from my cell phone to make the harrassment stop. This was done on June 23rd. He has spent most of the last few months harrassing me and threatening me and I've absolutely had enough. I've had to call the police once and file a harrassment report, and they advised then that I block him from my phone. I waited hoping it would get better. It didn't. Below I've posted 2 days of the last text messages that I received from Brian. I figured the best way to do it was simply post WORD for WORD everything that was said. I still have these on my phone for proof directly sent FROM BRIAN for anyone who doesn't believe that the below text isn't word for word unedited. It has taken me some time and thinking to decide if this is definitely what I wanted to do and I've decided that honesty is by far the best policy.
The kids haven't seen Brian since March, and Brian hasn't paid a penny for his children since February. Brian has never once called to speak to them or ask about them and has only talked to them when I've called so they can say hi. He hasn't spoken to them at all since father's day.
To preface where the 1st series begins. Fathers day. the kids call to say happy fathers day. he informs emily that he doesn't want to spend time with her. she freaks out and throws the phone. I wasn't on the phone so i can't guarantee what was said. all i can go off of is what my almost 9 year old daughter says.
Also SRS has not contacted me even though brian has been telling me he called them on me since February. So I'm pretty sure I would have heard from them by now. Brian is the only one SRS has been called on, and he was fully investigaged by DHS in Iowa for allegedly abusing Jace. I have NEVER had SRS called on me. Bri just LOVES to make threats as you will see.
The below 2 conversations are INCREDIBLY mild compared to normal, but these are the only 2 I saved. If ever needed for court I already have all the information to pull all the texts from my cell phone company.
The texts starting with a B are obviously something Bri said and the texts starting with an H are obviously something I said. Unedited. Enjoy.
June 21 8pm
H:"why the fuck did you just tell your daughter you don't want to spend time with her? she's freaking out. thanks alot."
B:"i said i want to spend time with them alone not with you and bob. i can't wait for SRS to take them in a couple weeks."
B:"i didn't tell her that. i told her i wanted to spend the with the kids not you and bob."
H:"that isn't what she says. i believe her over you. and no srs is involved. nice try."
H:"you fucked up big time. your daughter is done with you."
B:"yes they are."
H:"nope they aren't. nice try though. your an idiot adios. your oldest 2 have no interest in talking to you anymore. you fucked up big time."
B:"of course they don't their only source of info is their whore mother."
H:"she heard the words directly from you. you stepped way over the line this time. kids don't forget. no turning back now. it's out of my hands."
B:"she misheard what i said. alienation of the affection is grounds for automatic forfeiture of custody too. cool stuff you are doing."
H:"i didn't do this. you did. i can't make her talk to you."
B:"nope you just lost."
H:"nope. adios. you fucked up."
B:"i have records. you dont"
H:"you don't have shit."
B:"the fact that you still put out for bob shows what a hypocrite you are."
H:"i have no clue what you are talking about. you're an idiot."
B:"because of you the kids have no one in their regular day to day live to look up to."
H:"They have more now than ever."
B:"you and bob are both failures. your parents are nobodies who just make my custody case that much easier."
H:"bye bri"
B:"the kids would be better off being raised by a ghetto nanny than with you."
H:"bye bri"
June 23rd 7:25am
B:"You have two weeks to surrender custody or I'm having you committed."
B:"and if i hear about you posting one more bad thing about me, the one who bought you the new body you just threw away, you will have a defamation suit to"
B:"deal with on top of losing the kids."
H:"stop harrassing and threatening me. goodbye."
B:"i am not harrassing you. we can do this the easy way or the hard way"
H:"the easy way being you pay child support and visit and call your children and be a part of their lives. the hard way being you threatening harrassing and abusing me. goodbye brian."
B:"your behavior the past six months is not becoming of a fit parent, let alone a parent of children with my superior pedigree."
H:"go away brian. next text is a harrassment report filed. adios."
B:"you are brainwashing the children. that is beyond unacceptable."
B:"furthermore you are to refer to yourself as heather gray from here on out."
H:"legally i'm heather moore and you can't change that ass fuck. stop fucking texting me."
B:"we already agreed that a trust will be established for child support."
H:"no we didn't agree to shit. stop fucking texting me."
B:"silence is complicity so you agreed by default."
H:"nope. stop fucking texting me. get it thru your god damn thick skull. you are harrassing me. enough is enough. stop fucking texting me."
B:"you kidnapped and brainwashed my children and moved them to an unsafe home. that gives of the right to text you all i want."
H:"you have lost the privelege to contact me on my cell phone because of your constant abuse. your number will be blocked by the end of the day. if you need to contact me you can call (this says my home number). thank you and goodbye."
B:"it is not a privelege it is a right in exchange for every minute i allow you have to the children."
B:"you block me and the next contact from of will be srs coming to take the kids and the sheriff coming to take you to st joe."
H:"stop contacting my cell phone. you will be blocked and you have been given my home number for contact with the children. goodbye."
The kids haven't seen Brian since March, and Brian hasn't paid a penny for his children since February. Brian has never once called to speak to them or ask about them and has only talked to them when I've called so they can say hi. He hasn't spoken to them at all since father's day.
To preface where the 1st series begins. Fathers day. the kids call to say happy fathers day. he informs emily that he doesn't want to spend time with her. she freaks out and throws the phone. I wasn't on the phone so i can't guarantee what was said. all i can go off of is what my almost 9 year old daughter says.
Also SRS has not contacted me even though brian has been telling me he called them on me since February. So I'm pretty sure I would have heard from them by now. Brian is the only one SRS has been called on, and he was fully investigaged by DHS in Iowa for allegedly abusing Jace. I have NEVER had SRS called on me. Bri just LOVES to make threats as you will see.
The below 2 conversations are INCREDIBLY mild compared to normal, but these are the only 2 I saved. If ever needed for court I already have all the information to pull all the texts from my cell phone company.
The texts starting with a B are obviously something Bri said and the texts starting with an H are obviously something I said. Unedited. Enjoy.
June 21 8pm
H:"why the fuck did you just tell your daughter you don't want to spend time with her? she's freaking out. thanks alot."
B:"i said i want to spend time with them alone not with you and bob. i can't wait for SRS to take them in a couple weeks."
B:"i didn't tell her that. i told her i wanted to spend the with the kids not you and bob."
H:"that isn't what she says. i believe her over you. and no srs is involved. nice try."
H:"you fucked up big time. your daughter is done with you."
B:"yes they are."
H:"nope they aren't. nice try though. your an idiot adios. your oldest 2 have no interest in talking to you anymore. you fucked up big time."
B:"of course they don't their only source of info is their whore mother."
H:"she heard the words directly from you. you stepped way over the line this time. kids don't forget. no turning back now. it's out of my hands."
B:"she misheard what i said. alienation of the affection is grounds for automatic forfeiture of custody too. cool stuff you are doing."
H:"i didn't do this. you did. i can't make her talk to you."
B:"nope you just lost."
H:"nope. adios. you fucked up."
B:"i have records. you dont"
H:"you don't have shit."
B:"the fact that you still put out for bob shows what a hypocrite you are."
H:"i have no clue what you are talking about. you're an idiot."
B:"because of you the kids have no one in their regular day to day live to look up to."
H:"They have more now than ever."
B:"you and bob are both failures. your parents are nobodies who just make my custody case that much easier."
H:"bye bri"
B:"the kids would be better off being raised by a ghetto nanny than with you."
H:"bye bri"
June 23rd 7:25am
B:"You have two weeks to surrender custody or I'm having you committed."
B:"and if i hear about you posting one more bad thing about me, the one who bought you the new body you just threw away, you will have a defamation suit to"
B:"deal with on top of losing the kids."
H:"stop harrassing and threatening me. goodbye."
B:"i am not harrassing you. we can do this the easy way or the hard way"
H:"the easy way being you pay child support and visit and call your children and be a part of their lives. the hard way being you threatening harrassing and abusing me. goodbye brian."
B:"your behavior the past six months is not becoming of a fit parent, let alone a parent of children with my superior pedigree."
H:"go away brian. next text is a harrassment report filed. adios."
B:"you are brainwashing the children. that is beyond unacceptable."
B:"furthermore you are to refer to yourself as heather gray from here on out."
H:"legally i'm heather moore and you can't change that ass fuck. stop fucking texting me."
B:"we already agreed that a trust will be established for child support."
H:"no we didn't agree to shit. stop fucking texting me."
B:"silence is complicity so you agreed by default."
H:"nope. stop fucking texting me. get it thru your god damn thick skull. you are harrassing me. enough is enough. stop fucking texting me."
B:"you kidnapped and brainwashed my children and moved them to an unsafe home. that gives of the right to text you all i want."
H:"you have lost the privelege to contact me on my cell phone because of your constant abuse. your number will be blocked by the end of the day. if you need to contact me you can call (this says my home number). thank you and goodbye."
B:"it is not a privelege it is a right in exchange for every minute i allow you have to the children."
B:"you block me and the next contact from of will be srs coming to take the kids and the sheriff coming to take you to st joe."
H:"stop contacting my cell phone. you will be blocked and you have been given my home number for contact with the children. goodbye."
Sunday, July 5, 2009
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