Smiles and Laughter

I NEED to make sure that everyone understand that it wasn't all tears.  We smiled.  We laughed.

These were right before the service, in the family room at the church that was set aside for the immediate family and close friends.  I honestly don't even remember now what was said, but it was something about Eli and we all just laughed and laughed.

This was as we were getting ready to walk into the service and the wrong song started playing, It was the "Signing Time with Alex and Leah"

This was during the service.  Pastor was talking about the ornery side of Eli.  It was all about Eli's troublemaker times and he combined and used all the little stories from Eli's life that we all sat around the living sharing one afternoon during the week before.  It was am amazing time a midst a week of turmoil.

This was during the service when Pastor talked about how very much Eli loved  playing peek a boo!!!

This was after we carried Eli's coffin from the service to the hearse.  Mike (Dr Lewis) told Bob that he was so strong. Bob said heck no.  Mike said you should win an Emmy your acting so strong!  

This was graveside.  I wanted us to hold Eli one last time, the 4 of us.  It was me and Bob, Lauren (Eli's primary nurse) and Mike (Dr Lewis, Eli's primary doc).  I commented that it was our last time to carry the weight of Eli together.  I imagined it weighing more and said so.  Mike looked at Lauren and I and said "Did one of you miss a feed?  Didn't you run enough IV fluids.  Must be why he lost some weight."  It was exactly what the 4 of us needed at that very moment.

As Eli's coffin was set atop the vault, Emily could no longer control her emotions, which means she couldn't control her asthma either.  I did what I had done countless times that week.  I started singing and signing the ABC song.  This was Eli's favorite song and the first one we ever learned to sign.  He would clap and sign "more" repeatedly for us to do it over and over.  All week it worked to calm all of us down.

This was the balloon release.  Eli's mickey balloon and a few others got stuck into the tree, because of the wind that day.  Just a few weeks before the kids frisbee had gotten stuck in the and Michaella and I pulled our van under the tree climbed on top of it with ladders and sticks and brooms and finally got it out.  Eli had stood in the doorway watching us out the window clapping and cheering the entire time.  Bob was less than thrilled with us when he got home, but once we told him how Eli clapped and cheered he couldn't help but smile.  Eli got us out of so much trouble that day!  

As a side note Eli's balloon got free somehow after our family had left.

Visiting with family and friends afterwards talking about Eli, and random other moments of laughter during it all.

I guess my reason for sharing these is so others know that we have found moments of laughter and that it's ok to laugh.  We sure did.  

There were many evenings during the week before late at night where the kids were in bed and all of us adults sat up getting our "homework" done each evening.  At some points someone would say or do something and we would all laugh so hard until tears were pouring down our faces.  Moments that I can't even remember having in the last few years.  At points we felt guilty and at points it felt so good to laugh.  

It was needed.

I just wanted to share that it wasn't all tears.  Our little man was ALWAYS smiling and there were times where so were we.

and wow do I miss his smiles.