Today

"An unturned bed, an empty chair,
I look around, but no ones there.
Toys untouched, unopened books,
This isn’t how this room should look.

Somber faces, swollen eyes,
A river of the tears we’ve cried.
Silence overwhelms this space,
Since we last did see your face.

Trying so hard still to see
All the good you made of me.
Trying harder all the while,
to feel the warmth of your sweet smile.

You were our light and air to breathe
Now memories are all you leave.
We promise you that we will try
to have the strength to say goodbye.

We will miss you so much every day
The pain will never go away.
You were the bravest boy we ever knew
and now we need to be brave too."

by Kate Sytsma (we love you!!!)

This poem was written for us and our little warrior by a very dear friend of ours, who is also a Super Mom (she has 2 kiddos with Mito.)  

She wrote it a few days after Eli's passing and shared it with us. 

It was read graveside right before the balloon release at Eli's burial.  It's beautiful.  It's more than beautiful.

I haven't been ready to share it online yet.  It's been something I've kept close to us, held personally in my heart, but I want to share it now, especially today.

Today.  It seems like any other day to most.  It started that way but as the day moves I become more and more anxious.  Tonight is the night.  We meet with the funeral home to make our last big choices.  Tonight we will be finalizing our choice for Eli's grave memorial.  We should be selecting summer outfits, picking out the outdoor little tykes cottage he was going to get this summer, ordering aqua shield's so he could go swimming in the new pool we promised him, taking him to the book readings he loved, and watching the rain out his bedroom window.

 But instead I have to pick out words, and how we want his birth and death dates to look, and if we want to use a pictures, and what granite we want to use.  Do we want an inscription?  How do we want his name to be?  Which of his many nicknames do we want to use?  It hurts.  It panics me.  

A river of tears; This isn't how our lives should look....Kate you were oh so right.