Movers and Shadows

Brian and I went to our house Monday evening to pick up some fenugreek. We ended up laying on our bed and staring at the ceiling for an hour. I didn't want to leave. It all of a sudden hit me that this was it. The movers were scheduled to arrive Tuesday morning. I got over there before they did and went through the house and took pictures of every single room and closet and bathroom in the house. I was sitting on the couch looking back through them to make sure that they turned out ok. I hadn't deleted the card and there were pictures of the kids. Pictures of them running around and playing in the house. Then it hit me. There wouldn't be anymore pictures of the kids playing there. No more holidays, birthdays, first steps, nothing. I sat on the couch and cried. As I looked around the house I could literally see "shadows" of the kids playing, eating, napping. I remembered sneaking to the bottom of the steps and catching Jace peaking out of his room when he was supposed to be napping, Benjamin playing peek a boo around his bedroom door, Ari playing with the shag rug in her bedroom, Emily playing in her orange room on her computer. I feel like we are losing an entire part of our lives. I know that the family is what matters, not the house, but there are so many memories there, that is our home. It was hard. As the movers packed strangely it felt a bit easier. This morning I went over there to let the movers in so they could begin to load. I had all the kids with me. The kids ran through the house and looked at their rooms. They were excited. Excited about what is coming. I took more pictures. Pictures of the boxes, pictures of the packed rooms. I looked in my room and all 4 of my kids were playing on my bed. I took pictures, tons of pictures of them. I felt so greatful that I was able to take one last set of pictures of my kids in our home. I know that sounds strange but it gave me a feeling of peace. I still feel as though we are leaving our life, our home, our everything, but I know that we are just closing one chapter and starting another. Maybe our "shadows" will follow us there, or better yet we will get new and improved "shadows".